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Category Archives: Humility

Don’t Take It Personally!

28 Thursday Jan 2016

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Choices, Contentment, Freedom, God, Humility, Joy, Love, Maturity

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Contentment, Forgiveness, Freedom, God, Joy, Peace

So many people take things personally, they feel unforgiving and unrelenting about hanging onto that which they presume hurts them. But in the end, is that an easier choice than just giving others the benefit of the doubt or forgiving them for their lapses? The older I get, the more I learn to let things roll off my back like water on glass. I don’t let things absorb into me as easily or as readily as I once did. I’m still reactive to things in part; but I am trying harder, and with more purpose, to think before I react to what I perceive as hurtful.

Love-is-patient

It’s not my doing, but this sense of letting go and forgiving more readily comes from growing closer in relationship with the Lord. The more I stem my own self in surrender to Him as the center of my own life, the more I understand the necessity for this. If I’m not the focal point of my own life, then I needn’t take things so personally or seek my own vindication! And if not every thing is about me anyway, then it’s easier to presume others aren’t focusing on me deliberately. Hurts, wounds, and supposed injuries aren’t as common an infliction for me as they once were; simply because I don’t put myself in the center of my universe, my needs aren’t paramount and my feelings aren’t as important or even sure! Maybe forgiveness comes easier to us when we’re not placing ourselves so high up on the scale of importance? We’re able to let others slip up, make their mistakes and live their imperfect lives. And perhaps we don’t assume the worst about others when we’ve learned to relegate our own special interests to a lower rung? It’s not as if others are always aware of us or our expectations, much less so willing to put our needs ahead of their own. If we’re all measured equally in God’s eyes, then why should what I feel or think or do or say be of any more or less importance or value than what others do or say? It shouldn’t!  releaseenergy

 

There is freedom in living without such random triggers of insecurities, doubt, fear and worry; sans my own need for vindication or my measure of joy being contingent upon the words or actions of others! It’s not, my value and my worth comes from God; my peace of mind and joyful spirit are a result of living with trust in Him. I’m not any more or less important in His eyes, so what happens to me is not as important as I may assume. Wanting to move closer towards Him, makes it easier to focus on the many ways I need to mature within! I’ve learned that being wounded, hurt, easily offended or so quick to be angry because of others is not useful to me. I can control my own emotions and relegate them accordingly, because not everything is about my sense of pride. Forgiveness is key, but so is not seeking to find wrongs in everyone else around me! Loving other people means I learn to accept them with more humility; thinking less often of myself and more often of them. Placing myself in the outer ring along with everyone else, while placing God in the center, makes this all so much easier to practice!   Signature02

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With Confidence, I . .

25 Friday Sep 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Character, Confidence, Contentment, God, Humility, Peace

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God, Love, Self-Acceptance, Self-Confidence

With confidence I, with confidence, confidence . . what does it mean to be confident? It means that we’re content, at peace and accepting of ourselves. Why are we so inclined? Well we aren’t always so inclined. It takes an effort to be confident in today’s world. We often care too much what others think, or weigh too heavily their opinions, their decisions and their ways against our own. We often think too hard on the popularity or popular consensus as to the value we then give ourselves. If we’re not a certain size, age, body type, hair type, gender, height, weight, we might feel insecure; or maybe we’re influenced by status symbols such as the type of car we own, the size of the house we have, the job we hold or the friends with whom we party. All of that is icing on our cake in life; but our value is in none of it!
 
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We find our acceptance, which brings us our sense of self-confidence, from within. It is rooted in something intrinsically more valuable than the fleeting things of this world. No other person, place, thing or outside device can render or should render to us our sense of value, confidence or self-acceptance. Confident people walk into any room thinking enough of themselves to measure equitably their worth against any other person in that room. But confident people do not deem themselves or any other person as having more or less value! Confidence is a reflection of an inner, intrinsic and known value so unimaginably unassuming, that it is often a quality or trait by which the person possessing it is unaware! It just is. And we just are . . confident. Confidence is not like makeup slapped on anew each day or hair gel applied each new morning; it is the steadfast value and sense of worth someone holds deep within themselves, which I believe comes from our Creator and His seed of self-love inwardly planted which continually feeds the soul. It nurtures the person from within, allowing them to externally reflect to others that inherent value. There is no arrogance, no neediness, no shame, no condemnation, no insecurity, no self-debasing, no bullying and no bashing of others coming from within; as there is no need to do any of that! There is just a steady flow of self-acceptance, which feeds their heart and mind with self-respect and self-discipline; in turn, that self-loving and self-confident acceptance allows for that same measure to be given to others in turn!
 
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Confidence in ourselves makes us more accepting, loving, caring, tolerant and respectful of others. We don’t see or view others in any sort of competitive or threatening manner because we’re content in our own lives and skin by way of our confidence; born in our knowledge and awareness of Whom we were made! Through God, our confidence is found and maintained! Because of God’s love within us and His promises to us, we are faithfully able to confidently face whatever we must anew each day!
 
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Making Changes With Faith . .

17 Thursday Sep 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in aging, Attitude, Choices, Conquering Fear, Courage, Family, Giving Up, Humility, Maturity

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

aging, Choices, Faith, Unconditional Love, Unselfishness

I got to visit my dear friend’s new place yesterday. Somehow it was satisfying and comforting to explore the place into which she moved after giving up so much from her other residence at this stage of her life. She is elderly, in her early 80’s. My friend didn’t want her children to go through what she had gone through with her own mother years before; having to quickly find a nursing home for her mom upon the sudden eroding of ability, mind, thinking, cognition and/or loss of faculties. So she chose to go on her own timing and by her own choice to a smaller place in a senior residence community (with assisted-care on site), where she can get ready help should it be necessary some day or any day. ANU_0310  

She left most of what she had collected in her 40+ years of living in her own home behind. Most everything she had amassed as family matriarch, along with her husband who passed away a decade ago, her sons left for the less fortunate curbside at her old house. In a lot of ways, I mourned for her decision, knowing that she didn’t really want to move or change address after all this time. She enjoys her freedom, lamenting having to be accountable to staff at her new place for safety sake; and her house was her connection to her deceased husband and many memories of prior times which have passed for good. But she did this out of love and because she didn’t want to be a burden to her children. She gave up the bigger house, the pool, the secure garage, the possessions and her freedom to move into a place where she has her own space for now; she is part of a community of seniors in transition, each learning how to face whatever is to come. Ben Franklin quote

Each of us must find our way through the minefield of life, often fraught with such discomfort and significant change that we are rendered stunned. In hopes that she has eased that stage for her sons, I give her great credit! It takes unconditional love and an unselfish heart to leave almost all you’ve treasured and gathered behind for the sake of the ease of others. It is hard to imagine rendering most everything material as inconsequential; but not when measuring the worth of such things against those most precious to your heart – your children and/or family- and their needs! It is not easy watching people change, but it is incredibly hard to watch them go. I am preparing myself for that time with her, with my own mom and with others in my life; as time itself erodes the illusion of safety nets we seem to have when we’re younger. We must learn to accept the changes, to face things with bravery, even to blaze the pathways into unknown places for the sake of love! Fortunate are those of us who also do it with faith.  Signature02

Human/Nature . .

12 Saturday Sep 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Choices, Contentment, Gentleness, God, Humility, Life, Peace, Wisdom

≈ 3 Comments

In reading a post on a group page on a social media site about birds this morning, it was brought up for question why one type of bird might purposefully force the babies of another species out of their nest at a certain stage of their development. The idea of such a thing with no discernible reason seems perplexing to those who support the type of birds which were the babies in this scenario. This type of bird, Bird A, is routinely up to this “bullying” behavior it seems, and is known as doing exactly this to these babies, if the comments of routine observers are factual. I can only surmise that Bird A is given the task of instigating movement in the babies of the other species, Bird B, purposefully and habitually. So perhaps Bird A rile up the complacent babies of species B on purpose to encourage their movement sooner than they would deem themselves ready! Maybe this is part of a greater plan of inter-species interaction, for which we mere humans have no measure of understanding or awareness.  579151_721419587884084_1276570731_n

Just maybe this is part of God’s greater plan for the whole of the world. Perhaps what we humans observe is truly limited by our ability to comprehend His design and His purpose for all of life. In that case, we will never grasp the intricacies of nature, of species interacting, of what seems heartless and cold or disturbing and uncalled for. Perhaps our nature is to put upon all other species, and even upon members of our own, our limited perspective, bias and understanding; giving to each situation a self-inflated acceptance and awareness of life which might just be proven flawed or faulty! Imagine instead if we were to just breathe in and observe, free from our judgments and thus, our desire to intervene?! Perhaps a lot of what humans intrude into is already working as planned? Why are we always so eager to know everything, to be right and to solve every issue, to the point that we create problems where none existed? Perhaps it is just human nature.   images egotism 2

In this case, the simple question lies in that we just don’t know why! Why does one bird intrude into the happy nest of another to push the babies out? It might be a design flaw; but since I am sure God has not made mistakes in His designs, I will go with purposeful. It might be that Bird A has been given the role of assisting in this one stage of another bird’s development. Were we just to accept that we don’t know everything, letting life go on as God planned; just maybe it would run more smoothly than when we butt in with our fixes, our answers, our alterations and our transforming changes! God does have plans, purposes and reasons for His world to run as it does; if only human beings would stop trying to solve what isn’t wrong with God’s world and cease endeavoring to change what works just fine as is. Some things are necessary interventions, when people are starving or natural disasters occur. Humans meddling in the natural order of things, however, has probably created more chaos than situations it has ever calmed or resolved. But then again, human meddling seems directly proportional to the astronomical level of human ego running amok, which has endeavored with its “I know best” to render God silent and irrelevant at almost every turn! I wonder how many of His miracles we shut down in our endeavor to fix, transform, change or to interpret what was His will, thinking it to be some error?? Signature02

The Soul’s Learning and Purpose . .

26 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Choices, God, Growing, Humility, Love

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

Caring, Compassion, Love

Want to make a real difference in this life, in the world? Want to know a purpose and a reason for your being? It’s so simple, it’s extraordinarily so! The ultimate way to make a difference and to change the world is to live in it as a force of love, compassion and as a blessing to others. Do good. Let your heart overflow even in spite of personal pain, loss, sorrow, longing, want and need. Take whatever has happened to you and turn it into a means by which you are able to not only recognize the pain and suffering in others; but to minister to them because of it! If you have been a victim, don’t relish that role to the point that it solely about you; but take it as a way of helping others through their similar fates. If you have suffered loss and grieved internally, endeavor to find those who are similarly conflicted!  Heart

Our real purpose here isn’t probably going to be some big deal we’ve managed to artfully negotiate at our jobs or a status to which we successfully ascend. Our purpose is to use who we are in total, what we have endured and whatever it is we’ve learned to help heal, to care and attend to others in need, with love. The world at present is a full-blown example that we haven’t successfully grown beyond ourselves to this point. There are people doing good, loving others, giving and caring; but not to the point where we all feel compelled to do that in the long run. Selfishness is our desire to always first be the victim, to always feel our need as a priority and to always take care of ourselves. Only when we truly learn to reach outside that small perimeter of understanding will we fully learn the lessons of why we were created and so purposefully placed here among so many others with different mindsets, beliefs and situations.  dl-mood-family

Developing a heart full of love is our purpose, finding others with whom we can share our heart is our aim. Love is the directive which compels us in that pursuit. As it states so perfectly in the Gospel of Matthew 22: 37 – 39, 37 Jesus replied: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  Growing up into adulthood is the soul’s learning how to put others and their needs above our own; and love is the will within us to do exactly that! God’s love lighting us up is what brings the rest of the world hope.

Gauging the Temperature . .

30 Thursday Jul 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Character, Discipline, Humility, Maturity, Offense, Pride, Self-Control, Wisdom

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Ego, Maturity, Self-Control

A quick mind is not always a blessing, in that the mouth has often spoken before the soul has had time to gauge the temperature of the message. It’s not just for the sake of others that we should learn to use constraint in our thoughts, words and deeds. We have a lot to gain from self-control and discipline, especially when it comes to the emotional reactions we have or might have while our buttons are being pushed! Often times, we react before we have had time to assess the value, venom or vile in our own words! And our words can be even more harmful within us than they are powerful or life-altering to others.  a-quote-it-up-9

It’s not entirely unacceptable or ill-advised to criticize, to reproach or to correct others in their behaviors and speech; but when we do, we expose ourselves to all of that in return, all while exposing at heart our motive in doing so. Unless we are doing so to help the other person, to rectify a misjudgment or to correct the circumstances within a particular situation, we’re possibly lashing out just to be right. And that is often not as advisable a seat from which to launch an attack on someone! We all have our right to opinion, belief and freedom of expression. So when another shares an opinion in which we have a momentary negative reaction, perhaps it provokes in us some anger, then we owe it to all concerned to examine why we feel as we do. Perhaps we’ve jumped to our reaction. Maybe we’re not open to a new point of view. And just maybe it is something we know for a fact is wrong or ill-advised. The best response is always a thoughtful one! If we know there is a price within us for our words, thoughts, deeds and the way we behave towards others, then we will temper and measure from within first. We should share with others our opinions, beliefs and thoughts. We should act in accordance with those. But we shouldn’t assume that our way is the only way, that we are always right or that it is up to us to change others to suit us!   Be-selective-in-your-battles

Too many people nowadays react and respond without thinking through the cost of such a step to those involved and more importantly even, to themselves. We must learn to mature in our ability to control our emotions, such that when we feel the need to react, we are first able to control and discipline ourselves enough to examine our own reaction prior to responding. Maturity is not about having the need to be right all the time or the requirement to vindicate one’s own beliefs, thoughts, words or actions. Maturity requires a more disciplined and controlled approach to life; it requires going beyond the seconds involved in a reaction and response, to consider what might happen next. Maturity looks ahead at the cost of reactions and responses, it weighs the virtue or detriment to every thought, word and deed. It measures the soul’s weight before and after an emotion, considering the potential for baggage which comes from reacting in error! Maturity teaches us the invaluable lesson of responsibility, consequence and lightening our soul’s load. Maturity within gives us confidence and supports our self-esteem, so that we don’t have to prove our ego’s cries for vindication, rightness or acclaim! And when we learn those lessons, we are more civil in society; we aren’t as concerned with our ego’s own need to be right, we’re less fragile and insecure, we’ve less need to put others down for the sake of building ourselves up. We truly are more tolerant and accepting, no matter the opinions, words, beliefs, thoughts and deeds of others! Inner peace is the badge of honor we get to possess when we master a level of maturity which self-controls and self-disciplines emotions, reactions, and responses.

Human Rule . . .

30 Saturday May 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Celebration, Choices, Faithfulness, God, Humility, Lessons

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creation, God, Humility

The saddest thing is to watch a world built upon miracles and Divine thoughtful creation render itself freely and by choice, more meaningless and marginalized by the mere assumptions of our mortal, human and limited minds. How can we possibly believe that we as humans stand as the ultimate end of the universal spectrum, rendering ourselves “god” and “judge” over all this world? Yet it happens, when even one of us decides himself or herself the center of his or her life.

Schwartzberg_gratitude

Without God at the center of each life, life itself is marginalized to just the level we humans can assess and equate with our own limited thinking as well as our experience. Imagine the ego it takes to be so certain that no higher power or being exists which created such magnitude and majesty in every single cell, in every single being and in every single matter of creation?? What value is placed on life when only we all-too-human and flawed mortals determine its value??image2

I would suggest that with God, the value of everything and every creature is unimaginable and infinite. For His efforts and His estimation of worth is so much beyond our limited scope of appreciation. And so it is sad to watch the destruction and the ruination of life progressing and increasing in the hands of humans who are unable to grasp the value in each and every speck of matter, living and not. The more humans there are who ignore, renounce or deny His hand, the more ego-driven, contentious and mad the world will become! Not one of us is able to preside or rule fairly over others, nor are we capable of assigning value to life itself through eyes focused only on ourselves or the things of this world. AW-Tozer-Quote-God-Dwells-in-his-creationWe are designed by Him to be a part of His kingdom, for His purposes and for His will. We are meant to know our infinite value through Him, not through our own limited sense of understanding. My prayer is that more will come to know and love their Father, to have a relationship with Him, their maker and their source of love as well as value. May God watch over us all and forgive us our ego-driven insolence, thinking we’re ever capable of being the “ruler” of our own lives. Fortunately for all the world, God is patient, faithful and most of all, loving! He wants us to turn or return to Him, so much so that He’ll forgive us repeatedly for being such ego-driven, sinful and unfaithful souls. 

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What Others Think . .

13 Monday Oct 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Character, Choices, Confidence, God, Gratitude, Happiness, Humility, Love, Peace, Self-Esteem, Self-Respect

≈ 1 Comment

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Confidence, God, Self-worth

Often we think it matters more what others think of us, if we’re acceptable or alright in their eyes. But we mustn’t forget that what matters most in this world is how we appraise ourselves and who we are in God’s eyes. Others will have their opinions, fleeting, and based on their own limited knowledge and awareness. Perhaps they never fully know the inner workings of our hearts, minds and spirits. So basing our own self-appraisal on limited thought and consideration provides us with a limited or faulty appraisal. But God knows us through and through. We cannot hide who we are from Him! We cannot hide who we are from ourselves. It is all self-evident in our choices, in our family-lives, in our pursuits, in our hobbies, in our friendships and in our priorities. Spending time on developing the inner soul and sanctum means more in this life than any measure of outer approval rendered by any other means. We simply cannot ever be “enough” measured by anything external to us when such an appraisal is needed for just our ego’s sake. 15352_20130502_091007_Pali

 

We should always endeavor to be self-propelled and self-managed, rather than relying upon the conditional approval of others. When we cede our ego’s appraisal to any outside source, we lose pieces and parts, clarity and awareness, from our identity within. I’ve witnessed so many people nearly destroyed by not getting the favorable opinions or praise from others that should have been established from within them – by knowing who they are, by believing in and respecting themselves, by establishing themselves in the known love of God. 64181_290813230990390_109759299095785_738958_1742442314_n

 

Human appraisal is not sustaining and is need-based; but self-acceptance formed through His love and promises is! Self-acceptance, self-respect and self-love fully-formed out of knowing who we are and from where we rightfully come is undeniable, firm and indelible. It’s nice to have others affirm qualities about us or compliment us on various aspects of our lives or person; but what is even nicer is having genuine self-acceptance of all that God has created us to be, with our foothold in self-confidence, self-love and self-respect regardless the opinions of others!

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Confidence From the Creator

02 Saturday Aug 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Character, Choices, Confidence, Fullness, God, Humility, Lessons

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CatLion-50When you’re confident and have developed your self-worth from within, based not on anything external such as looks, current position, what others tell you, what society tells you, what clothing you wear or by other material or external measures – you can walk through this world with humility, but also with an insulation that others are lacking. Confidence is the awareness and assurance that you’re just fine as is, you don’t need validation, approval or acceptance of who or what you are by way of anyone or anything external! And it’s the most attractive quality you emit each new day, because it confirms to the world outside of you that you are absolutely fine with and comfortable as you are. And if you love and accept yourself, why wouldn’t they too love and accept you? And if they don’t, so be it! Self-confidence prevails when accepting responsibility for ourselves, and for all we do well or in all which we err; and by realizing others don’t define us. Beware the trap we humans often make of placing the burden for our self-appraisal in the hands of others or at the feet of other means of measure. It doesn’t work that way!
ConfidenceWGod-25
When you know from where and from Whom you come, how can you think any less of yourself?
Psalm 139:13-14 . .
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
Psalm 27:3 . .
Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident
.
Hebrews 10:35-39 . .
35 Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. 36 For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. 37 For,
“Yet a little while,
and the coming one will come and will not delay;
38 but my righteous one shall live by faith,
and if he shrinks back,
my soul has no pleasure in him.”
39 But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.
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Finding Offense . . The New Battle Raging

29 Tuesday Jul 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Change, Character, Choices, Humility, Offense

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Finding Offense! Hinckley_quote_600Don’t you see that when you ask someone to be silent because you don’t like what they have to say, or you want to change how others do business because it’s not how you would run that kind of business, or you want to make others conform to your point of view because you believe you’re so right about something, that you’re really asking them to be like you in some way or totally? Isn’t that virtually impossible in many ways? If I’m not mistaken, aren’t we all individual, unique and different? What we’re seeing more often in this world is a backlash of egos, driven by arrogant disdain, contempt, fear, insecurity or intolerance for what is deemed to be utterly unacceptable, a difference in belief or opinion; a variation in choice and in behavior; unique and varied points of view, speech and thought. And frankly, this backlash against individuality and freedom of expression is not acceptable if we wish to continue existing together freely on this one rotating sphere!

 

If we find that we are often part of the group of the offended, upset at not getting our way – what we’re really admitting  is our own insecurity, fear, intolerance and lack of humility for others with regard to their differing perspectives, values, beliefs, opinions, speech, thoughts, talents, and any other aspect unique to them! Being offended to the point of asking others to change or demanding it, especially when their actions are not harming us directly or intentionally, is an admission by our own fragile egos that we’re more right, we’re more entitled or we’re crushed that we didn’t get our way! It’s an admission that we might be threatened by what another person represents, especially when we unite in packs to shame others into silence or into changing who they are or what they believe. To that very matter, who made us judge over all the world and who decides who is more right? Are we really going to litigate all belief, values, thoughts, actions and behaviors to the point that we nullify all of our collective individual freedoms?

 

We have more than enough laws on the books already concerning human behavior and actions which we collectively unite in deeming intolerable. Do we need more, or perhaps just more self-control? Should we outlaw all forms of expression, music, books, art, hunting, fishing, farming, sports, hobbies of any kind, movies, television, religious and faith-based practices, owning businesses, having children and everything else that fills
pandoras-boxus culturally, defines us morally and enables us to shape us as individuals because we might find someone else’s practice therein objectionable? That’s what could happen over time because we’ve opened this Pandora’s box of intolerance and offense! Where do we draw the line upon this crusade of “rightness” born out of insecurity, fear or the need to be vindicated? 

 

If someone is living their life according to their own beliefs and values, without breaking the laws and causing harm intentionally, then shouldn’t we endeavor to let them live as we ask to be permitted to live? This immense battle of the enraged and offended egos, which is growing, developing and spreading worldwide – when it comes right down to it – is really nothing more than adult bullying! It’s diverse groups of insecure, fearful, intolerant bullies trying to suppress, silence or even oppress others into conforming to them; attempting to alter all of life around them to make it more acceptable and suitable to just themselves because they cannot or will not control their own emotions when things don’t go as they would like them to go!

 

The end result is the willful suppression of all forms of individual expression, as there will always be offended people willing to claim something as such! If we’re going to demand our children stop bullying, we should first stop showing them how readily we adults do it as a response when we don’t get our way! Part of living in the world amongst one another is first learning to accept one another as is. To ask another to change for you is to admit you are flawed, not them.

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