Category Archives: Confidence

Insecurity is Visible…

29 Sunday Oct 2017

Posted by in Attitude, Blessings, Character, Confidence, Contentment, Freedom, God, Maturity, Offense, Peace, Self-Control, Self-Esteem, Strength

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So many people these days are insecure, riddled with self-doubt, and unable to positively identify themselves by decisive means. They are lost, meandering through their lives looking for validation and for acceptance! It’s really sad to watch seemingly successful, established, attractive people flailing about looking for the approval or esteem from outside that should be naturally flourishing from within!

You probably have seen these people around you every day. They may have jobs, careers, families, friends, and present themselves as well-adjusted and successful at reaching their goals in life. But, in fact, they are struggling with insecurity. This insecurity stifles their creativity, befuddles their pursuit of goals, and hinders the real progress they could make in relationships as well as personal development. 

Insecurity is visible! It shows up as narcissism, jealousy, anger, envy, intolerance, excessive criticism, and in those who are always easily offended by others. Insecurity is when we don’t quite believe we’re worthy, or that we’re attractive, talented, capable, our opinions or beliefs are valid, or that we’re loveable. It is any sense of our lacking when we’re estimating the value of others in comparison! Are we as popular, pretty, slender, wealthy, successful, talented, smart, (or whatever measurement we’re using to compare and contrast our life with the lives of those around us)?!

We’re meant to get our value and worth from the knowledge and assurance that we’re beloved children of God! He’s our Creator, so He made us as we are with inherent human value and worth to achieve the purposes He has designed just for us! But many of us don’t believe in God’s dominion over our lives, and so we don’t know that our value is derived from knowing who we are through Him! We instead get our value from other places then, from other people, from the things we’ve collected and boasted of routinely, from the position we hold, from the level of our personal or professional achievements, from how attractive others think we are, from our ability to do certain things, or to hold particular positions. Without having that relationship with God, as Father, we are always going to live our life comparing and contrasting, competing and defeating, dwelling and then repelling all the subjectivity of flawed and irrational human thinking, our own and that of others! We spend a lot of energy and time dealing with insecurity as a result, which takes us from our life pursuits, the purposes God has in mind for us. And when we’re insecure, we spend a lot of time finding fault with others in an effort to raise our own self-perception! 

When we know that we matter, we’re loved, we’re loveable, and that we were created as we were meant to be by the Lord, we don’t need to feel insecure about our appearance, our thoughts, our beliefs, our talents, our bodies, or our level of achievement in any area of living! We can go into anything certain that He goes with us, He has prepared us or will for whatever we face, and that we needn’t doubt our ability or any other facet of our being. He leads us, He goes with us, He is our strength, and He is our guide. Now, it’s true that those who don’t believe won’t grasp this difference! That is obvious. But they also don’t see the nature of issues with insecurity rising in this nation as we push God further from our personal lives! Such rampant insecurity is a clear indication of lives lived without the sense of God’s value known for certainty within them! Even believers struggle at times with thoughts that can erode our confidence and our assurances! When you know you matter as you are though, then someone else’s wealth, acclaim, position, race, sexual identity, possessions, and beliefs won’t seem threatening at all! And our own struggles to achieve the success we think we should attain won’t become such an overwhelming weight upon our souls! Knowing God is our designer sets us free from the embattled sense of entitlement, jealousy, envy, narcissism, greed, self-doubt, self-obsession, constant self-promotion, and any other eroding measure! Struggling is part of life, but to wrangle with insecurity, lacking confidence in ourselves as God’s invaluable creation, is to struggle needlessly even more so!

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A Fissure of Interference . .

06 Thursday Apr 2017

Posted by in Attitude, Choices, Confidence, Dreams, Maturity, Strength, Success

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Sometimes in life, we’re waiting for the approval or acceptance of others just to proceed. We give others a lot of weight in our lives via that choice to garner another’s approval and acceptance before we act or speak! By waiting on that opinion of another, we often water down our own talent, point of view, or performance accordingly. We become addicted to the verification which another person’s positive feedback, approval, and acceptance of our actions, words, thoughts, or beliefs provide. We often need that before we do what we think we should, what we’re compelled to do! Instinctively, we often know what we should do. We have talents, skills, dreams and ambitions which motivate our actions. But when we filter those internal drives through the perspective, experience, intellect and understanding of others, we create a fissure of interference for our own success!  We don’t need others to tell us we’re able, we’re good enough, we’re talented, or that we’re going to succeed at something! What we really need more than an opinion, a nod of approval or an avowed acceptance from another, is our own confident assurance in what we’re doing, saying, thinking, and believing! When we care too much what others think regarding our lives, we give away our own power to act and we become increasingly more insecure about ourselves!  

 

Wanting approval or being tied to getting acceptance from others is alright if we aren’t relying upon it. If it’s the icing on our cake of already believing in ourselves and feeling secure in our thoughts, actions, speech and behavior, then it’s more than okay! Especially if it comes in the form of compliments and affirmations of our successes! But if getting approval is our usual way of knowing we can proceed or that we should do something, then it’s just a reflection of our insecurity. We need to know how to do, to say, to be, to think, and to feel independent of others injecting their opinions, beliefs, and dreams into the mix! We are unique individuals, which makes it impossible for others to successfully step into our shoes, to know what is best for us in any regard. It is up to us to make the choices, to step forward into the unknown, that each new day represents, with confidence and self-assurance. We must accept the reality that we’ll win some and we’ll lose some, that we’ll be successful and that we’ll fail, as well as that we’re responsible for the way our lives turn out! When we’re children, others step in to make the decisions which we cannot, but when we reach adulthood, it’s up to us to securely accept the role of the manager of our own lives. 

Insecurity is the inner voice which screams, “I’m not ready!” or “Not yet!” or “Should I?”. Insecurity is what blocks us when we endeavor to pursue our dreams. It is the inner force which gives others more credibility when estimating our abilities or our success. It’s the inability to act unless or until others give us their permission or confirm our preparedness or state of readiness. What a terrible way to live, needing others to give us what we should be able to garner from within! If only we would believe in ourselves and give to ourselves the same level of credibility we seem to easily give to others!    

Learning to rely upon our own instincts, to accept responsibility for our own successes and failures, as well as being eager about the personal growth we’ll experience when we do is key. It’s often seemingly easier to give others the burden of our choices in life, as perhaps it will take the onus of accountability from our own shoulders if we do! But in letting others lead us in our own lives, we also miss all the opportunities we have for character development and for reaping the personal rewards of creating success! Step in eagerly as manager of your own life, in doing so, you will have to accept many things which aren’t perfect, all the failings which result from your own choices, and the burden of regret when things don’t go as you hope. But you also get the successes! You’ll get the esteem-building, confidence-affirming realization that you met the challenge, reached new heights, took a daring step, achieved a dream, and grew more in the process!   

Overcoming, Not Status Quo and Easy Breezy . .

20 Saturday Aug 2016

Posted by in Attitude, Choices, Confidence, Courage, Discipline, Faith, God, Growing, Lessons, Life, Maturity, Opportunity, Positivity, Self-Esteem, Self-Respect, Strength, Success

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We aren’t here to live a life free of problems, but rather to motivate, to inspire and to elevate ourselves and others around us through them. We’re meant to rise to the occasion, to learn, to grow and to mature within to be able to take on more problems as well as to develop our abilities to handle greater challenges ahead. How do we do that if we and those we nurture are encouraged to hide from our problems, or worse, kept purposefully from them?? Problems seem to be now viewed as problematic, the very ways in which we challenge our status quo in life now have taken on such a stigma, we often want to escape instead!download

 

 

Facing our problems is the only way we know how strong and tough we can be as the “overcomers” we are meant to be! Hiding, denying, ignoring, backing away, settling for less, or creating safe spaces only cripples us within. We must accept challenges as part of the continuous growing cycle we are always in, we must experience lessons and tests as the ongoing way in which we mature and develop ourselves in life’s perpetual classroom. If we were to live life sans problems, challenges or tests, we would never learn about our own inner strength, our fortitude or most of our abilities. Status quo and easy-breezy doesn’t really teach us about ourselves, nor does it develop within us the appreciation, acknowledgement or awareness of our metal, our own persevering spirit or our maturity as time passes. Overcoming gives us that. When we overcome and mature through things, we develop more self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth. Of course, all of that is God’s gift to us, through His gift of love within us to begin with. We are meant to be overcomers because God made us to so. In this world, we face daily challenges and must learn to rise to those challenges to become more. There are infinite opportunities each new day for us to become something more and someone greater than who we are today!   Positive-quotes-about-problems-solution-quotes

 

Even if we ourselves created some of the taxing problems we are now enduring through accidental or purposeful choices, we must accept the responsibility we now face for extricating ourselves from the constraints those problems represent. Problems always offer us a chance to be overcomers! And that is always a more inspiring and uplifting response rather than denial or flight. God is with us as we endeavour and pursue the ways to move forward, through and beyond our current issues and problems. But we will not learn how to make our way if we choose to always make our way safer, easier, and problem-free. Accepting problems as the necessary learning experiences they represent is always the best way to keep our peace in this world. Doing otherwise makes our journey more miserable and our role as problem-solver less rewarding.  

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With Confidence, I . .

25 Friday Sep 2015

Posted by in Attitude, Character, Confidence, Contentment, God, Humility, Peace

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With confidence I, with confidence, confidence . . what does it mean to be confident? It means that we’re content, at peace and accepting of ourselves. Why are we so inclined? Well we aren’t always so inclined. It takes an effort to be confident in today’s world. We often care too much what others think, or weigh too heavily their opinions, their decisions and their ways against our own. We often think too hard on the popularity or popular consensus as to the value we then give ourselves. If we’re not a certain size, age, body type, hair type, gender, height, weight, we might feel insecure; or maybe we’re influenced by status symbols such as the type of car we own, the size of the house we have, the job we hold or the friends with whom we party. All of that is icing on our cake in life; but our value is in none of it!
 
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We find our acceptance, which brings us our sense of self-confidence, from within. It is rooted in something intrinsically more valuable than the fleeting things of this world. No other person, place, thing or outside device can render or should render to us our sense of value, confidence or self-acceptance. Confident people walk into any room thinking enough of themselves to measure equitably their worth against any other person in that room. But confident people do not deem themselves or any other person as having more or less value! Confidence is a reflection of an inner, intrinsic and known value so unimaginably unassuming, that it is often a quality or trait by which the person possessing it is unaware! It just is. And we just are . . confident. Confidence is not like makeup slapped on anew each day or hair gel applied each new morning; it is the steadfast value and sense of worth someone holds deep within themselves, which I believe comes from our Creator and His seed of self-love inwardly planted which continually feeds the soul. It nurtures the person from within, allowing them to externally reflect to others that inherent value. There is no arrogance, no neediness, no shame, no condemnation, no insecurity, no self-debasing, no bullying and no bashing of others coming from within; as there is no need to do any of that! There is just a steady flow of self-acceptance, which feeds their heart and mind with self-respect and self-discipline; in turn, that self-loving and self-confident acceptance allows for that same measure to be given to others in turn!
 
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Confidence in ourselves makes us more accepting, loving, caring, tolerant and respectful of others. We don’t see or view others in any sort of competitive or threatening manner because we’re content in our own lives and skin by way of our confidence; born in our knowledge and awareness of Whom we were made! Through God, our confidence is found and maintained! Because of God’s love within us and His promises to us, we are faithfully able to confidently face whatever we must anew each day!
 
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Stay the Course . .

05 Saturday Sep 2015

Posted by in Character, Choices, Commitment, Confidence, Discipline, Self-Control, Strength, Success

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When you are walking stridently down a particular path, often there are obstacles and barriers, detours and distractions, impatient people and those who try to convince you that your chosen route is erroneous. But if you are on that path purposefully, by choice, and the path itself brings you immeasurable rewards, then why take another course?  tumblr_mqwuvfjrrM1s43hlxo1_500

It is often the case that what is put before us in our footsteps is meant to test our resolve, to try our patience or to see how easily or readily we’ll give in to some manner of temptation; and in that temptation, we’re promised ease, comfort, happiness, pleasure, and all manner of things we surely won’t find on our chosen way. Temptation is often the lure which takes us from our desired goal. It lures us by promising us a momentary satisfaction, or a pleasure we might be missing. It steals our self-control and takes from us our discipline to remain committed to things, to people, to efforts and to the way we’ve chosen. But temptation is a trick played on a tired, restless, uncertain, tested mind and heart. It often doesn’t bring us anything lasting; and can actually take from us more that would be satisfying, such as the sense of accomplishment after a long, hard trial or effort! How many of us succumb to temptation in a moment of weakness, when we don’t have the strength of resolve to stand in discipline and self-control against it? But we can learn to overcome all the ways in which we might be drawn from a path which promises us success, rewards and hope. We can learn how to be so self-controlled, that no matter who might be tempting us, trying our patience or convincing us that we’re wrong, all will be proven unconvincing against the willful power and determination of our steadfast spirit and disciplined mind!

We are truly not as weak as we might seem. We just need to stand strong a few times against the very things which serve to weaken us to prove that point and to develop those endurance muscles! If you stand against the forces which threaten to weaken your resolve, to break your spirit or to defeat you in your journey towards reaching goals, then you will develop stronger backbone and more enduring discipline! It’s inevitable! Stay the course if what is promised at the finish line means enough to you. And it should when you’ve set your entire life in step with its accomplishment and achievement. Why do we give up when we have already come so far? Why do we quit when others come along with their failed histories, promising us they know better than we what is good for us? Why do we let anything keep us from the rewards we know wait for hard work, effort and endurance? Even if we spend an entire lifetime and still don’t realize a goal, isn’t there much to be gained in the effort which we wouldn’t know within us were we to quit? All too often we let the voices outside of us tell us where we are in our journeys, why we’ve sidestepped in our successes and how we might fix it all according to their limited awareness of our lives! But in actuality, we are most appraised and aware of why we are on that particular road, headed in that certain way, towards those goals waiting to be reached.  e51ae5358e379f7fc52b7dc58899b260

Stay the course, learn to adapt to handle the distractions, the interference and the alterations necessary; but don’t give way to temptation or to taking a road promised as easier. Only you can be anointed to live your life and to do what you are called to do by your abilities, talents and experiences. Don’t let others talk you out of the life you’re meant to live just because they seem to think your choices and your direction seem flawed. Remember that their view and vantage point is limited, especially when it comes to the perspective they have of your life so far and the vision of what might lie ahead of you on the pathway you’ve taken! Believe that you are anointed, confident and assured; ask for advice if you need it occasionally, but rely upon the muscles you’re developing from within just by living and venturing onward!  Signature02

Be True to You!

31 Sunday May 2015

Posted by in Attitude, Character, Confidence, Integrity, Maturity, Self-Control, Self-Respect

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When I was little, my mother told me that it was much more important to be myself than to seek the acceptance or permission of others, altering my behavior and beliefs accordingly. She assured me that I would always be alright and loved as long as I first maintained my own integrity by being genuine, self-accepting and self-loving. And so it is with life, (another “Mom” point I have had to give her), we are supposed to develop who we are from within; assessing our thoughts, words and actions in accordance with what we know, learn and process.authentic-quote

We’re meant to determine for ourselves what it is that we believe and live within the confines of those beliefs. We’re supposed to discover our own talents and abilities based on what it is we can do, regardless what others have as gifts and natural talents. We’re meant to learn and to develop our minds, our bodies and our spirits as we’re able to, as we’re all unique and individual. We aren’t meant to listen to the prevailing dialogue, or be swayed by the winds of the times as though what we know or believe has no weight. We are not all supposed to think alike, dress alike, walk alike or talk alike! We might change our beliefs and adapt our skills according to our experiences and by what we’ve learned over time. We might even have significant shifts in what we hold to be true based on just growing up or having lived through certain life-changing moments.  But we’re to be true to ourselves, regardless the influences of others or the pressure they can exert. If we aren’t true to ourselves, not only will others find us unappealing, but we won’t even have the comfort of liking ourselves!


235e090f944bf5d41d6d3981e555aef7 So the surest way to be in life is 100% okay with who we are as people. If we act in ways that we cannot accept or which compromise our integrity, we’ll note within a sense of unbalance or ill-rhythm. It is inevitable, as my mother promised . . we must first develop the core of who and what we are from within; building a solid foundation on which to create our lives. Then we are to live our life in the manner in which we’ve set our beliefs, established our boundaries and determined our abilities. Let no one dictate to you their moral sense or lack thereof. Let no other person make you feel bad for having a varied set of beliefs or for making mistakes.  Accept the responsibility for choosing to live in accordance with your own values, beliefs and abilities; as well as the consequences for faulty choices in the process. Let no one tell you how to live your life! It is yours to live, even with mistakes, chances and mishaps. Own it all and live it with a determined will to be faithful to who and what you are!


Sonya-Parker-300x300 Many these days are involved in censoring and even condemning others for values, beliefs and lifestyles which differ from their own; yet in their censorship or condemnation, they still cannot take on the weight of the responsibility for success, failures or consequences outside of their own. Learning to live with confidence and self-assurance, as well as self-acceptance, enables us to better mind our own business; as our security with our own life choices makes us better able to give others the same level of respect in theirs!  Signature02

It’s a Hard-Knock Life . . Making Mistakes

21 Saturday Feb 2015

Posted by in Attitude, Character, Choices, Confidence, Growing, Lessons, Maturity

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The problem with some mistakes – we keep making them! That is until we learn what we need to from them, in order that we recognize the situations leading us to make the same choices; as well as the necessity and reasons for us to no longer do the same things or think the same way! Mistakes aren’t inherently bad for us, IF we do take the lessons we’re presented through each one by which we learn, we make changes, we develop and grow beyond. But many of us only accept the mistakes repeatedly by making the same types of choices, often complaining that things don’t go our way, aren’t right for us or offering us much in life. images goals 3

We just haven’t learned the process of viewing everything which happens to us in life, including mistakes, hard lessons and painful episodes, as the impetus for our own personal development. We stay in a rut comforting ourselves with our lack of confidence, our low sense of self-worth, our agony over life’s seeming unfairness, our hurt feelings, our wounded pride, our insecurity, our anger over the way things are, our fear of change, our stubborn refusal to let it all go and/or our continual self-pity party. Perhaps we’ve learned that we get more attention wearing the negative circumstances of our lives like badges of survival and courage; rather than viewing them as minor steps in the process of our personal development which lead us to the real badges of honor, those of having successfully managed and maneuvered through this thing called life!  imageschange

Only when we realize that we could do better, we should do more as we’re responsible for our own lives, so we might want to make changes because we have loftier expectations for ourselves, do we begin to see situations with the light of our own honest appraisal and recognition. It is only when we value our own life enough to not settle, to not accept less, to be fully responsible for all the goals we’ve made and met,  and to accept every outcome and circumstance as part of the process of life’s continual school of learning and self-development that we truly become our own life’s manager. All circumstances of our life are then viewed as potential lessons intrinsic to our development and growth through the process of choice, adaptation, learning and correction so that we become more – even with each mistake we make!  Signature02

The Recipes of Life . .

21 Friday Nov 2014

Posted by in Attitude, Choices, Confidence, Faith, Lessons, Patience, Peace, Quitting

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I am trying a new recipe this morning, and I was starting to get a bit concerned about whether or not it would work. It’s one of those with yeast, which requires a period of activation and rising to do its part. And I hope it will turn out well, but I see a parallel with life in this simple task of hoping in the yeast to do its part. Life for the most part is a series of actions, purposeful and not, which add up to some outcomes and consequences which either seem positive or negative by our appraisal. So life is just a sequence of things we hope for and changes we make when our hopes are dashed. No big deal! 23-09-2013-00-Success-Quotes

 

Why then do we put so much emotional weight on everything we haven’t got a full grasp of control upon anyway?? Do we suppose that we’re better-fated, better-intentioned or just better than others – so that everything should go our way? Even if we’ve prayed and asked God for His favor in something, it doesn’t mean that He will agree that we’re making the right steps, moving in the right direction or are ready for whatever it is we’re looking to find, do or be! Relax; life is about starting some recipes, attempting new things, trying to make something from nothing by mixing intentions, aims and hopes all together. And if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again! Don’t get so discouraged because it wasn’t easy, perfect or natural for you. If you happen to get fortunate with whatever it is you are attempting, then great! But if it doesn’t work after a while and a few go-arounds, perhaps look for a new “recipe” or way to do what it is you wish to!178962_476497912365218_1729959021_n

 

Don’t let the emotional weight of doing, being, making and hoping overwhelm the entire process. Life is all about the trial and error, the endeavoring and the accomplishing, learning and growing in ways you might not yet have even imagined. But don’t give up hope that you’ll either make this recipe or some other way ultimately work. Discouragement doesn’t taste as good as finding the right recipe!

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Prisons of Our Own Making . .

17 Monday Nov 2014

Posted by in Attitude, Choices, Confidence, Conquering Fear, Fear, Positivity, Strength

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There just comes a time when carrying a perceived burden, problem or uncertainty becomes too weighty for me, so that the resolution, solution, or just plowing forward into the uncertainty becomes a necessary relief. And so it is . . we have to release ourselves from the prisons of our own making!

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We often choose to remain focused on things which we fear, by way of doubts, which we want to evade and for which we find procrastination an ease; but when the burden upon our minds and hearts becomes too much to bear one more day, we often release our own inner-kraken or monster of forceful energy, determined to change the circumstances! We have to; we’ve spent too much energy, time and focus on those things in the first place. Otherwise we would live in such emotional torment, such consternation, with such a sense of dread about what might be or may be or could happen at any minute.

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Upon bottling up our emotions, our energy and our focus for so long on problems, eventually the problem itself provokes us to do something. It’s inevitable when the weight gets so heavy on our souls. Unless we’re hiding the effects of such things, by distracting ourselves to the point of not recognizing burdens, problems, and such; we will eventually erupt like a volcano, pushed to the tipping point for our own sake. So it is almost always better for us dealing with things before we reach the point where those things have pushed us to the point of dealing with them!

 

When we’re proactive, we often aren’t so dis-empowered, so fatigued or require such hasty thinking as when we’re retroactively reactive. But even if we wait until we cannot wait one more day, we must go forward with confidence; knowing that procrastination, ignoring or just wishing things away doesn’t usually work or resolve anything. There is no better time than the present to believe yourself a capable life-manager, who is able to cope with and to resolve all the situations life delivers to your door! No better time than the present to be proactive rather than just reactive! You may not fix things in a moment, a day or even have all the answers; but evading, avoidance and delaying the inevitable are going to wear upon you in the meantime. See your problems and your concerns as managerial duties of your life; the better you are at managing all of that, the better your life becomes!

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Facing the Storms, Fearlessly . .

22 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by in Character, Commitment, Confidence, Conquering Fear, Courage, Discipline, Integrity, Life, Self-Esteem

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It’s often fear, worry or doubt which makes us run from challenges, storms and the random turmoil of life; but then it’s failure, regret and insufficient results with which we are left in their wake! A part of us always loses when we walk (or run!) away from a challenge, cower in the face of our storms or let the circumstances of life keep us from living our life to the fullest measure. Pieces of our own integrity are lost, chunks of our self-confidence are eroded, and our own belief in our abilities is etched away.

 

Each challenge, storm, or difficult circumstance which we encounter in this life serves as an opportunity to provide to us so much in the way of personal growth and development. But not if we let fear, worry or self-doubt keeps us from facing it head on or ultimately conquering it. Every time we let those emotions win, we fail to realize the rewards of improved confidence, awareness and self-esteem for having bested them! A big life lesson is learned every time we push through . . accepting our challenges and relishing the lessons inherent in them!

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Many people choose to claim their challenges, their miseries and their life’s turmoil as badges of honor; but the real badge of honor is in beating it down and in besting it all! It’s in the overcoming where we become so much more than we imagined! So many people keep track of their losses, their failures, their miseries and the discord of life so that they can use the tally as an excuse to stay safely where they are; rather than realizing those same events and challenges provide opportunity for growth, change and understanding!

The fight to overcome what comes at us in life with courage and willful tenacity rewards us with confident, purposeful and deliberate growth, enhanced stability and assurances from within! School is in session each new day . . make it your goal to pass the tests of life as they appear with courage and tenacity; and to continue in developing your own potential as you progress through the years!

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