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Category Archives: Family

Tunnel of Experience

10 Saturday Nov 2018

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Change, Choices, Family, Lessons, Maturity, Patience, Persistence, Pride, Success, Truth, Wisdom

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Experience, Humility

Our own ability to understand something doesn’t affect its value, veracity, or function in the world. Often times, our limited vision and perspective shaped by our particular experiences emboldens us to render strong opinions on things in which we truly have no knowledge or awareness! We often get into unnecessary conflicts with others as a result of our own lack of awareness or misinformation, living in our own tunnel of experience.  

As a child, my dad would quiz us kids on math from the time we were quite young because he had a wonderful ability to process numbers quickly in his mind, with what seemed a “calculator” inherently gifted within. He was sharing one of his gifts with us through those pop quizzes. When I was really little, the nightly spot exam (esp. with calculus problems) made little to no sense to me as the youngest, causing me some frustration. But I didn’t give up because of that, I learned to be humble in those moments of frustration. As time passed and my learning curve expanded, I grew to truly appreciate much more of what he was trying to teach us through his pop quizzes. We all went on to take four years of math in HS when only one was required!

Often, it’s our own inability or arrogant refusal during moments of frustration to push through it all, stretching our minds to consider what might actually be possible or really be true. And that leads to further frustration as we judge things we see or experience by only what we know at the time! We rail on people about things which are simply above our understanding, vilifying them for actually be more educated or experienced on certain topics or on particular life subjects. When you are conflicted like that by the actions, words, or beliefs of others, first look within. Live with the humility to learn, to grow, to expand and change your mind, to see life outside your own tunnel of experience.  

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Love Flows First . .

18 Thursday May 2017

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Blessings, Family, God, Gratitude, Joy, Love, Maturity, Wisdom

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creation, God, Unconditional Love

I told my mom on Mother’s Day that she was truly a gift of unimaginable blessing to me because she had always loved me unconditionally, and for that, I am so very grateful! Even though I had siblings, have made many mistakes while living my life, and have been seemingly unlovable at times during my life, her love has never diminished or faltered. I’ve never sensed her having any preference between my siblings and me, nor have I experienced a prioritization of her love when I’ve accomplished more or less. Her love has been the same at all stages of my life, she has never loved me more or less! And she is not the only one who has loved me like that, I have been blessed by my father’s unconditional love (although he passed away years ago), as well as four grandparents (who’ve also passed on), and two siblings who seemingly love me that way. And more importantly, God loves me unconditionally! So, when other acquaintances, friends and family seem to pick and choose their preferred moments in my life in which to love me, I can rest assured that I am loved as God loves – in spite of my imperfections and beyond my merit!   

It’s perhaps rarer in our personal microcosm than we imagine, this ability and impetus to love unconditionally! I’m not sure I’ve always loved family members, friends and strangers in kind. I’ve surely tried, but until we each can realize and accept God’s depth, breadth and scope of love as Creator of all life, we haven’t really got it to give to others. It takes wisdom and spiritual maturity to comprehend the amazing, infinite, and forgiving definition and scope of love to truly be able to receive it within and then to share it with others! Such genuine and unconditional love must flow first from within to then encompass others with whom we interact. Love is the gift of ourselves, which is shared in an endeavor to improve, heighten and joyfully enhance the lives of those with whom we intermingle and enmesh. Love is our acceptance, approval, and awareness of others in spite of their human flaws and behavioral imperfections. And as the Bible instructs us, we are to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, meaning we are to love all those people around us in kind, without condition! But first, we must receive God’s love within to be able to then share it with the world around us.

Is it always easy or natural to love strangers, or even family and friends unconditionally, at all times? No. Not when we love through our human perspective and with our human limitations. But when we learn to love ourselves and others as God loves us, then it becomes easier and more natural! And that is why spiritually mature people have a more heightened, easier time loving in this way! Judgment, conditions and imperfections matter less, or not at all, to those who’ve realized how great the love that God has for them! And in turn, they are then compelled to follow God’s Word, loving others as God has loved them and as they love themselves! Love is only unconditional at that level – when it is fully accepting, forgiving, and beyond the limited scope of human understanding!

  

Parents, like my mom and dad, often have an edge in loving their children in this unconditional way, as they experience the deepest intimacy and acceptance of their yet unknown children as gifts from God while awaiting their birth with loving expectancy! Unimaginable love can develop in the time it takes to see those children conceived, born, growing and developing into future adults. Sadly, it’s not always this way, many people never really perceive and receive the unconditional love which comes first from God, so what they have to give is less than unconditional and based on a human understanding of what love really is! That truth is evident and observable in every relationship and situation in which love is key! To know what love is, one must know from where it comes and from Whom it comes! Love flows first from the source of all love, it must be received and given, shared from one human being, to another to be truly appreciated and evidenced as unconditional.  

Two Weeks Notice . .

24 Monday Apr 2017

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Choices, Empathy, Escape, Family, Gratitude, Lessons, Patience

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Empathy, Endurance, Gratitude, Patience, Sympathy

For most jobs you want to quit, you are advised to give a minimum two weeks notice. It’s considered polite and professional, as it enables both parties to contend with the shifting situation of the working relationship. An employee leaving his or her employment is giving the employer ample time to deal with the change in staffing. And an employer has that time to prepare, to replace, or to alter their staffing needs to accommodate such a change, if necessary. But there is one thing for which two weeks notice already seems too long and much too generous, and that is for a cold! I and other family members have had a cold now for two weeks, as of yesterday. We’re all more-than-ready to give this pesky illness our two weeks notice!  

Now let me interject first that I am usually never sick! I haven’t had a cold or any communicable illness for several years now. I don’t suffer from allergies, and I have a fairly strong immune system. But somehow, I brought this pesky and brutally persistent cold into this house. It could have been accidental contact with a “carrier”, and after the past two weeks, I would be prone to consider anyone who passed this beast on as such, HAHA! It could have been that I brought this on myself by working so hard in my garden in early April, preparing the landscape for the new warmer season ahead. For two weeks, I pruned, raked, swept, removed, and amended the landscape after Winter’s wear and tear. Perhaps something I breathed in during a profuse blooming season such as this one, or just the daily act of breathing in dust and spores firsthand, left me susceptible to spores, germs, or whatnot! However it came to pass, I can assure you this cold has worn out its welcome by now! 

For two solid weeks, I have done nothing much more than cough, sneeze, blow, rest and whine. And my family members have been my echoes in those activities! There isn’t much more we have felt like doing, even missing our Easter Sunday planned activities, and now we have passed the point of being tolerant of this forced schedule any longer. We didn’t want to spread this to others, so we endeavored to do as little as possible with our healthy friends, family, and strangers.  I admit readily that I am a most impatient patient! In fact, my family members and I have often discussed this particular version of the cold, pondering how we could be so done in by it. We’ve wondered if it is the gift that will keep on giving much longer, as we’ve had enough of all the symptoms and the remedies! But we have also pondered how those with chronic illness persist over time, enduring what they must with patience. This last two-week period with this cold has taught me to be immensely grateful for being so healthy usually, and to not take that normal state for granted ever! It has reminded me how wonderful it is to feel good! And of course, it has given me a whole new level of empathy and sympathy for those who must contend with health concerns far scarier, more intense, and more physically devastating than a cold! After all, in the grand scheme of things, a cold is relatively minor and we can envision the foreseeable future without it!  

But officially, I have given this cold my two weeks notice! I want to sever our ties, and break free from its hold upon my body and my life once and for all. I have things to do, places to go … well, you know the story! Two weeks just seems like long enough for a pesky cold with all its attending details. I don’t want to blow my nose, cough, take medicine or rest any longer. Time to move on, and I’ve given it enough time in all fairness. We all have! Since I gave this beast to my family members, as I was clearly the first one sick, I have also endured the guilt and shame of having passed such a monster to them! My mother, who also got sick while fussing over me, has proclaimed this the worst cold she has ever endured! Now surely giving your elderly mother such a beast as this is not something in which a daughter can be proud?! Today’s the day, it’s two weeks later, I’m moving on and so are the members of my family. We’re severing our ties with this particular virus! Adios, au revoir, auf wiedersehen and a big ciao to this two-week lesson in patient endurance! We’re surely saying our goodbyes with our renewed gratitude and our heightened empathy, lessons learned from our pesky “teacher”.   

 

Home On Sunday . .

02 Sunday Apr 2017

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Blessings, Celebration, Christianity, Commitment, Family, Friendliness, God, Joy, Love

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Church, Home, Love, Spirit-Led

Being missed is a truly special sensation to experience! Last week, I was traveling out-of-state so I missed going to church. I go to the same service at the church of which I am a member every week here in my city unless I am ill or traveling. Otherwise, I am there, in my normal pew every week a few minutes before the service begins. I sit in front of a lovely couple, and behind a row of senior citizens who all live in the same adult community. All around me are familiar and friendly faces, also in their usual seats. It’s a community, our church. We know one another, even if not readily by name so far; we greet one another and keep track of one another. We smile, we hug, we wave, we check in, we weep, we comfort, we console, we encourage, we pray, and we take notice of absences and new attendees. So when entering church today, there were avid greetings and “glad to see you”s. It felt good to be missed last week, to have people who not only noticed my absence but also who welcomed me back!   

A few years ago I was prompted to find a church home. I had wandered about looking for a place in which I could feel welcomed and where I could grow spiritually and deepen my relationship with the Lord. So I decided one Sunday to attend this church as a visitor but never looked elsewhere after that first time! From that first day, I was warmly greeted and people took a genuine interest in me. And so it has been ever since! Every week I am there provides me with what I would appraise as the best moments of my week! I walk through the doors and my spirit is elevated with joy! The Holy Spirit dwells in that building, in all the souls which frequent that church and in the ministry staff which leads us all. It’s an amazing place!

I cannot say if that is the same experience everyone who is a member or visitor has. It is mine, perhaps mine alone, although I sincerely doubt it! I am sure many others must have felt that amazing connection and bonds which develop within the walls of our sanctuary and on the premises.  And those same connecting bonds are also found in other locations where members unite in ministry or just for fun. It’s not just the building, it’s something which lives there within the buildings! It’s a spirit, an in-dwelling, a community with a calling from the Lord. It’s God’s love pouring out in worship, prayer, song, gatherings of all sorts, and through relationships forged often over the entire lifespan of the church!  

All my life I’ve either gone to churches of the same denomination or of other Christian denominations, looking for what I discovered on that fateful Sunday. In all those years prior, I never felt the same sense of what I’ve discovered at this church! I never knew that I had been missing the depth of experience which I’ve found there! I discovered Spirit-led people involved in something meaningful, with purpose and with love. There is love, there is compassion, there are relationships built on God’s love and committed to sharing it with others! When anyone is hurting, there are others who enfold them with love and take a share of the burden. When someone needs counsel, there are people trained to help advise and guide. When prayer is needed, there are hundreds of prayer warriors who lift those souls and prayers to the Lord. When the community needs support, there are plentiful hands to help, to give, to provide and to offer. The Spirit leads and by Christ’s example, it is done. This church is so special I decided to become a member within the first year, taking classes and making the commitment before the congregation later that year!  

Finding such a great home on Sunday has also encouraged me to stretch beyond what I absorb only on Sundays! I attend Bible study and seek out other events whenever possible during the week. It’s a great place to connect, and those connections benefit not only church members but all those in the neighboring community and in distant locations partaking of our ministry outreach! And so this morning, I received such warmth and love, especially after having been gone just one week. It’s wonderful to be missed, to be meaningful in the lives of others and to meld into a large community which truly feels like an extended family! I encourage everyone who frequents church to seek a church home which is so welcoming and actually befits the embodiment of that word “home”! Home is a special place. It is where a heart finds solace, comfort, acceptance and companionship. Home is where love flows. My church home draws me each week because I look forward to worshipping the Lord and being with my loved ones! Each week, I am welcomed home!   

 

In This Together . .

05 Tuesday Jul 2016

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Character, Compassion, Contentment, Family, Gratitude, Kindness, Life, Maturity, Wisdom

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God, Humanity, Peace

Have you ever seen a baby born? I’m sure we all have, whether on television or in real life! We’ve noticed the striking similarity of all babies born in the world, regardless their skin color, their nationality, their nation’s economic status, or the timing of the arrival. All babies born in the world come without anything. They come sans clothing, food, shelter, shoes, or material goods of any kind. They all come via some parentage, but many are even separated permanently from that human connection. What we should find most striking in this comparison isn’t that we come at all, but that we all have made it as far as we have! 

 

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We have much to ponder when we consider this fact:  perhaps we don’t have all that we would want to live by our own standards when born, but in some way we have all we need, otherwise we would surely all come bearing something more than just ourselves. Perhaps we’re truly meant to find our way into various compassionate communities (for example – family, friends, neighbors) where we are taught to be good members of that community and to be responsible for one another? It is only when we start to believe we won’t be given all we want, that we start to think we’re deserving and entitled to more than we need.  Our desire to have that which isn’t our’s easily or naturally morphs from a noble motivation to attain and achieve some personal goals as well as dreams, into instead a raging fuel which ignites our lust, jealousy, greed and thus, tyranny.  

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Whatever it is we amass from birth with integrity, through our own efforts, with a lack of malice is ours rightfully. God blesses us each differently, each uniquely according to His desires. What is ours is ours, what is someone else’s belongs to them. It is not our place to deem His motives, but to make righteous our own! And we have each other, lest we forget that the hands we rely upon to take us from our bare-naked infancy to sustainable life, are our fellow humans. Why do we then learn so easily to repudiate these essential components of community into which we are surely purposefully born, all the while choosing often to be self-serving and self-involved instead?! We’re meant to be for each other without taking from each other. We’re meant to coexist without coveting. We’re meant to weave together as one patchwork of variation (language, color, beliefs, etc.) without repudiation! Perhaps what was inside of you when born actually matters more than anything on the outside anyway?!

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Motherhood . .

08 Sunday May 2016

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Blessings, Celebration, Family, Maturity

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Blessings, Love, Mother's Day

A mother’s love, guidance, compassion and caring heart are truly treasures to those who depend on them for life, safety, instruction, modeling and survival. Her role is to bring life to the world, to carry within her the next generation, and to nurture that life in body and soul for as long as she is able. Those who commit to such a role with a fullness of heart are truly not only life-givers but life-sustainers as well! 2c104891ddeb2d0f8011888887d0c190

 

 

purposefully and with awareness. It might be taken on by others by choice or out of necessity, but life itself cannot be sustained without women who participate in the reproductive plans God made of first enlisting the female body, heart, and soul. A mother’s role is to be held in high regard and esteemed, for her place in God’s majestic plan requires unselfishness and sacrifice on her part and willful participation in something much greater than herself. Her impact in the world is enduring and necessary for generations to thrive and prosper. Without the participation of women, life ceases! And the Bible is full of Scripture which serves to remind us of how invaluable women are to creation itself!

motherhood-quotes

 

 

 

God bless mothers today and everyday for they bring each generation to life! God bless our dear moms today, for doing what they must when they must and for the love they’ve shared along the way! God bless my mom for doing her best and for loving each of us unconditionally, taking on the role of a mother as God surely designed it for His purposes and plans, with sacrifice and commitment instilled within her heart! A mother’s love echoes for generations in the living, breathing, and loving souls who walk this earth!

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My Favorite “Gift” . .

05 Tuesday Jan 2016

Posted by Cheryl Ries in aging, Attitude, Celebration, Choices, Christmas, Contentment, Family, Happiness, Joy, Love

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Christmas, Family, Gratitude

My favorite “gift”, over the recent holiday week between Christmas until just after New Year’s, was hearing from my family/friends that they appreciated the homemade treats I prepared for them and the home-cooked meals we shared together during that week. It’s nice to know that just the act of preparing a meal, sitting down together at home and appreciating the tastes  tailor-made for them was so welcome and worthwhile!   4a16ea037f3b62fc0dde89e57bdb6d5b

 

We set times for those meals and sat down at those times; then we prayed and took our leisure . . sans gizmos, outside influences and disruptions . .  to dine in peace, together. It was lovely! I think it helped to take the rush out of our days; and it gave us invaluable time being together eating and conversing! It really was a reminder of a different period of life, years ago, when our family and loved ones dining together throughout the day was a regular part of our lives. Now, we’re older, busier and strewn across the nation working on our careers; and some of our family and friends have passed on. It is not possible to share in those same precious moments of bonding and reunion each day. So it truly meant something to have the chance to recreate the experience during such a momentous and special time as Christmas with those who still could be together. We also did the same type of thing at Thanksgiving, but not to the same extent we did it at Christmas. With ten days off together between Christmas Eve and the weekend after New Year’s Day, we didn’t eat out once or skip one meal being together. We planned times and made that effort to share our meals, regardless the schedules we had to keep or the errands we had to run. 

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Some people might balk at such an effort these days! After all, don’t we all enjoy time away from one another? And surely, when we have our divided, blended, absentee, broken and any other manner of family, it would seem corny or almost impossible to do such a thing as bring family together at meals! Well, with time’s passage, I care more about what matters to my family and loved ones. And we valued this time, these efforts to connect and be with one another; and we also know that nothing, including time, is promised or guaranteed for any of us in the years ahead! We wouldn’t have traded that time and the simplicity of meals at home for any other manner of sharing this recent special week together! I’m so thankful for one more year having had that opportunity with dears, cooking and taking care of them in ways they don’t get to appreciate often, if at all, during the rest of their year. It meant something, it invoked sweet memories of loved ones who’ve passed; and it will serve to connect us with new and treasured memories of this year’s holiday! Family and friends are truly the best part of the holidays; and “gifts” such as knowing their appreciation and gratitude for that time spent together is truly priceless!  Signature02

Making Changes With Faith . .

17 Thursday Sep 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in aging, Attitude, Choices, Conquering Fear, Courage, Family, Giving Up, Humility, Maturity

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aging, Choices, Faith, Unconditional Love, Unselfishness

I got to visit my dear friend’s new place yesterday. Somehow it was satisfying and comforting to explore the place into which she moved after giving up so much from her other residence at this stage of her life. She is elderly, in her early 80’s. My friend didn’t want her children to go through what she had gone through with her own mother years before; having to quickly find a nursing home for her mom upon the sudden eroding of ability, mind, thinking, cognition and/or loss of faculties. So she chose to go on her own timing and by her own choice to a smaller place in a senior residence community (with assisted-care on site), where she can get ready help should it be necessary some day or any day. ANU_0310  

She left most of what she had collected in her 40+ years of living in her own home behind. Most everything she had amassed as family matriarch, along with her husband who passed away a decade ago, her sons left for the less fortunate curbside at her old house. In a lot of ways, I mourned for her decision, knowing that she didn’t really want to move or change address after all this time. She enjoys her freedom, lamenting having to be accountable to staff at her new place for safety sake; and her house was her connection to her deceased husband and many memories of prior times which have passed for good. But she did this out of love and because she didn’t want to be a burden to her children. She gave up the bigger house, the pool, the secure garage, the possessions and her freedom to move into a place where she has her own space for now; she is part of a community of seniors in transition, each learning how to face whatever is to come. Ben Franklin quote

Each of us must find our way through the minefield of life, often fraught with such discomfort and significant change that we are rendered stunned. In hopes that she has eased that stage for her sons, I give her great credit! It takes unconditional love and an unselfish heart to leave almost all you’ve treasured and gathered behind for the sake of the ease of others. It is hard to imagine rendering most everything material as inconsequential; but not when measuring the worth of such things against those most precious to your heart – your children and/or family- and their needs! It is not easy watching people change, but it is incredibly hard to watch them go. I am preparing myself for that time with her, with my own mom and with others in my life; as time itself erodes the illusion of safety nets we seem to have when we’re younger. We must learn to accept the changes, to face things with bravery, even to blaze the pathways into unknown places for the sake of love! Fortunate are those of us who also do it with faith.  Signature02

A Life Honored . . Anew Each Day!

08 Wednesday Jul 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Choices, Contentment, Family, Fullness, God, Life, Love

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God, Legacy, Majesty, Nature

Yesterday I had to have something precious cut down and removed because it was no longer viable or thriving, but rather dying by degree. It was hard to part with the Purple-Leaf Plum tree I first planted out back right after my dad passed, nearly a quarter century ago, in his honor. He adored nature; and it was the closest tree I could find in Phoenix back then to the brilliant hues of Red Maples which he adored! oshimoto_e45_018

I must admit, I got a bit sad thinking of the tree being cut down after all this time, and then again seeing it piled up in freshly cut pieces. I had to accept its slow demise over the last few months just to get to this point where I could even consider having it cut down! It surely seemed to be the right time to remove this beautiful specimen, which once was so glorious and colorful; but it surely wasn’t easy to accept it, lying there in pieces! At some point in my observation of the tree’s remnants, my emotions shifted from sadness to a stable contentment; there was a shift in mind and mood, in realizing there was so much more than just this one failed tree of honor connecting me with my dad’s passion for nature!   bible-verses

I realized that all of my life I’ve sought the refuge and peace of nature, enjoyed the wilderness and appreciated the beauty in almost every plant because of my dad’s influences and preferences! He shared his heart and soul’s passion for growing plants, gardening, landscaping, exploring the wilderness and seeing all the beauty found in God’s majestic natural designs with me; so I now have that same appreciation in my soul by which to honor his life’s legacy every day! God blessed us all with hearts, minds and senses by which we may appreciate the wondrous natural world around us; and I surely witnessed that in my dad’s life by example! And in the place of that beloved tree, I will create an edible garden around an old wooden picnic table I inherited just yesterday from a dear family friend. Everything continues in its seasons, for its reasons and for God’s purposes!  Signature02

Thankfulness!

17 Saturday Jan 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Contentment, Family, Gratitude, Happiness, Life, Love, Wisdom

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Gratitude, Peace, Thankfulness

So thankful this Saturday for all those in my past . . the easy cartoon-filled mornings of my youth; prior to my parents getting us busy with our outside chores or our family errands and adventures. So blissful in recollection of days spent sweeping, pulling weeds, cleaning house, building our forts, chasing our dreams or perhaps just chasing rainbows. I’m thankful for trips to the public library to get some books to read, for trips to the grocery, for road trips and weekend outings to the lakes and parks. I’m thankful for a father who worked hard all week; but never failed to spend time with his family, as he truly made it a priority. I believe he even enjoyed it, as it was never a difficult decision for him! I’m thankful for family that played board games, that made laughter as much a priority as love.  original_thank-you-heart-gift-card

I don’t remember perfect days without turmoil, without a fair share of grief or malady; but I do remember plenty of reasons upon looking back in which to be grateful in plentitude! I had a wonderful childhood! I was loved, looked after, had a roof over my head, clothing and food to eat. I had toys with which to play, parents whom knew the value of education not only in school; but also in the aspects of life which made us good citizens of this country and of humanity. I was taught to love God and that God loves me. 246170384_5PTKhJj9_c

I truly ache for those who are born into anything less than love, as I believe compassion and caring is born first of love. And all love first comes to the human heart through the Spirit which lights the flame of it within. So thankful this Saturday looking back on all of those which brought me to this one! Today, I’m not starting with cartoons; but after breakfast, I am spending time with two people who are family to me, loved and treasured in their years of wisdom for their part in my life. What more could I ask?! I have a roof over my head, food to eat, clothing to wear, shoes on my feet as well as a heart that is full of love! And more than ever, I know God loves me and I love Him!   Signature02

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