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Category Archives: Conquering Fear

Change is Surely Inevitable . .

19 Monday Jun 2017

Posted by Cheryl Ries in aging, Attitude, Change, Choices, Conquering Fear, Lessons, Life, Maturity, Peace, Strength, Wisdom

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Acceptance, aging, Change, Peace of Mind

I miss the way things were earlier in my lifetime when I was younger and life seemed simpler. I suppose it’s a common phenomenon of growing older that change can leave a lot of our lives unrecognizable or just a wee bit uncomfortable. It’s inevitable, there are cycles in life, natural lifespans, and popularity, which impacts what we’re surrounded by each day we live. Everything and everybody which once surrounds us will ultimately fall victim to time’s passing, especially upon hitting mid-life. And the hardest part of growing old is watching all that is familiar give way to something new, different, or otherwise unfamiliar to us. Change is surely inevitable, but not always preferential! And accepting change is the most challenging but essential aspect of aging! Especially at a time like this when everything seems to change so much more rapidly than in years and generations prior. Perhaps we live in the time of the most significant change societies have ever had to absorb since the beginning of human existence in the world. I cannot say for sure, as I only live in this time.

 

Surely the earliest of human beings had to deal with a lot of perceptible development, just by becoming adults. There were significant and momentous developments visible through the ages, much like those evident during the industrial revolution or with the development of language in each culture over time. But these days, keeping up with things is literally imperative to know the ever-changing colloquial language, as well as all that which influences daily life. Imagine what would become of someone unfamiliar with even the most simple of technological developments these days? If someone didn’t know how to use a portable, instantaneous form of communicating such as a cell phone, they would probably feel very ignorant in this contemporary world! We’re able to instantly communicate, nearly everywhere in the world. We can speak, write, and even render our thoughts across the globe in seconds! Without an awareness of the internet, cell phones, computers, or other forms of technology, people would be clueless about much of the world’s modern functionality!  

And in that reflection, there are people in the world alive today who had the earliest form of telephone service available. They first had landlines which required operators to connect a call or which had multiple party connections, which meant negotiating for phone usage, and took considerable time for connecting from one place only miles away to others. A phone call was a great luxury when the telephone first became a household staple and even having a phone was not guaranteed in every household as a cell phone is expected to be these days. Having a telephone was a privilege one had to be able to afford to actually have. It was not that long ago that many of us living today had hard-wired phones, hanging on our walls or sitting on our tables. We had to manually dial all the numbers on a large rotary dial and we couldn’t move beyond the distance the length of the curled connecting cord between the base and the handset allowed. We didn’t always get through instantaneously because it took more time to actually dial, especially long distance, and there were often either interruptions or perhaps the line would be busy already. I’m surely not an expert on the history of such technology, but I lived through several technological changes over my lifetime which developed into the instantaneous, wireless, global service we have today! If Maxwell Smart were alive and spying today, would he even bother with a shoe phone? 

When I think of all the changes which I’ve witnessed and absorbed in my lifetime, I’m often disturbed by the pace of things! It’s not necessarily all that comfortable to grow old with things always changing, as things don’t often change for the better! As we age, change seems to be more prolific and more impactful such as with more of our family and friends passing away. It’s a matter of time’s natural passing and lifespan. We merely have to learn to become more accepting of living without those with whom we were first closely surrounded. And we must learn to let go of a lot of regular aspects of our daily lives. All things and people have a natural lifespan, including the familiar businesses, places, and landmarks of our communities and our hometowns. Everything comes and goes, with some random time pattern, not always of our choosing! It’s just a part of life. We might really enjoy a restaurant, perhaps we’re even regulars there,  we become our own version of “Norm!” from Cheers (a sitcom from the 1980’s) to some group we routinely encounter there. But then that place suffers from an economic downturn or the owners choose to retire, or some other random incident causes its closure. That happens repeatedly as we age, especially if we stay in the same place over a long period of time. We take notice of changes, of communities shifting and changing in demographics, in population, in prosperity, and economically. Landscapes with which we have great familiarity seem to morph into something unfamiliar and all-too-new. Change without our developing sense of acceptance is just unsettling.   

I often wish I could keep more of the familiar people and places in my life, sans change! It isn’t always comfortable or easy to accept a lot of the change which comes with age and with time’s passing. But acceptance is a strange bedfellow because it enables us to make as much peace as possible with something which inherently at first feels uncomfortable or unpleasant. And getting better at accepting things is making my life easier, even with all the bombardment of change which now seems “normal” at this time period of my life. I can’t go back to a time when life seemed simpler or easier, and I cannot slow life down to make it seem more tolerable. This life is going at a pace which requires my constant endurance and daily acceptance! And I work each new day to keep those muscles flexing for the fevered pace of change we’re experiencing in 2017! Who knows what is coming next in the world, by way of technological developments, or in my own community? It’s all constantly changing and morphing into a new version of today, each new tomorrow!

In The Midst . .

11 Thursday May 2017

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Blessings, Celebration, Conquering Fear, Gratitude, Joy, Life, Nature, Opportunity, Uncategorized

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Dolphin Pods, Nature, Ocean, Whale-Watching, Whales

Last week, I was so fortunate to be in the midst of a super pod of common dolphins! I am not sure of their number but suffice it to say, the numerous dozens, if not hundreds of dolphins, were feeding near our boat for a couple of hours while we were out whale watching between Santa Barbara, California and the Channel Islands.  The dolphins were just one type of sea creature we got to see while on what had to be the most exciting whale watching trip we have ever taken! And we’ve probably taken somewhere between 10-15 boat trips over the last two decades designated as whale watching excursions. We also saw humpback and minke whales (http://acsonline.org/fact-sheets/minke-whale/), as well as sea lions, those dolphins, and a slew of birds. It was truly a great trip!

   

Since I’m ecstatic about being a former seasickness sufferer, every trip I get to take which doesn’t include being seasick while leaning on or hanging over a table in the boat’s cabin is a great joy! This trip was the fourth boat trip in the last two years on which I haven’t gotten sick per usual, and the first trip I actually walked outside on the moving boat to take photographs and to observe because the ocean itself was so calm! It is a welcome change to what had sadly become my status quo for years prior. I missed seeing three different types of whales on a boat trip out of Anchorage, Alaska about ten years ago. Everyone on that boat was over the moon having seen so much sea life and then also life on land from the boat. In addition to the orcas, the gray whales and the beluga whales we saw that day, we were also afforded sightings of black bears, brown bears, moose, elk, sea lions, and oodles of birds of prey from our boat! Even having to lean over the table inside the boat as I did, I would have proclaimed it a fabulous trip for those who got to actually see and enjoy the abundant sea and land life! But the trip last week out of Santa Barbara proved to me that I could not only enjoy boat trips sans seasickness, I could also revel in such great sightings of abundant sea life! I’ve now become one of the eager whale watchers and participants in the experience!  

There is a mystery to the ocean, it holds amazing riches in the form of the living creatures dwelling under the waves besides the obvious beauty held in its power, majesty, and expanse. But it is not always so easy to find those creatures or to see them in their natural habitats there under those waves! Fortunately, we’ve managed to have some truly incredible sea life viewing days on our recent boat trips. It’s been a great way to gradually overcome my residual dread of being on the boats too. After all, if I’m going to be okay and not endure any seasickness as a result, then I can focus on enjoying my trip and viewing those amazing, mysterious creatures which dwell in the ocean! Seeing the super pod of dolphins around our boat for hours the other day was incredible! Even if we hadn’t seen the two species of whales, that experience would have been enough for me. I’ve learned to be so appreciative of just enjoying the boat trips now that anything I get to experience while on those boat trips is icing on the cake! And I’m looking forward to more!  

Roll With the Changes . .

12 Tuesday Jul 2016

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Change, Choices, Conquering Fear, Discipline, Freedom, Peace, Strength

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Change, Faith, Trust

Every day rolls in on new breaths, with new promises, and a lot of unknowns. Why do we allow ourselves to get stuck, feeling we are cemented where we are? Why do we believe we are stagnant, unmovable, and unchangeable when all around us everything is moving and changing? When we realize that we are too, we should see everything in us and outside of ourselves as a part of the flow of life.  0dc4d41d2712d6dd6f288b19d9dc4c2d

 

We and all of life are always morphing into a new state of circumstances and a different state of being. Just when you start to get that taste of stagnation, and that need to step out of a rut, propel yourself with the flow around you. There is nothing which cements you to a place, a way, an idea, a part or to any aspect of life permanently. We fluctuate, we come and go, we ebb and wane through the lives of others and in our own situations. We aren’t holding any space anywhere forever! So if it’s one you relish, make sure you relish it well and appreciate what you have while you have it and where you are while you’re still there!5a649965df19ee878e65f54954fc938f

 

Celebrate it, savor it, and be thankful for it! If it is one in which you have many regrets or feel uncomfortable, then use it as a catalyst to propel you to a new place and a different space! Don’t allow yourself to dwell in the discomfort and the angst of all the change in life, take the positive from everything and build within you a strong, sturdy yet flexible support. Make yourself able and willing, and life will seem more endurable and gentle to you! Today is a new day with new promises and new challenges awaiting you. Be a part, it is only in facing our role as perpetual students in life that we see our ability to grow and to change because of all the challenges and changes, as well as through every single thing!

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Making Changes With Faith . .

17 Thursday Sep 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in aging, Attitude, Choices, Conquering Fear, Courage, Family, Giving Up, Humility, Maturity

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aging, Choices, Faith, Unconditional Love, Unselfishness

I got to visit my dear friend’s new place yesterday. Somehow it was satisfying and comforting to explore the place into which she moved after giving up so much from her other residence at this stage of her life. She is elderly, in her early 80’s. My friend didn’t want her children to go through what she had gone through with her own mother years before; having to quickly find a nursing home for her mom upon the sudden eroding of ability, mind, thinking, cognition and/or loss of faculties. So she chose to go on her own timing and by her own choice to a smaller place in a senior residence community (with assisted-care on site), where she can get ready help should it be necessary some day or any day. ANU_0310  

She left most of what she had collected in her 40+ years of living in her own home behind. Most everything she had amassed as family matriarch, along with her husband who passed away a decade ago, her sons left for the less fortunate curbside at her old house. In a lot of ways, I mourned for her decision, knowing that she didn’t really want to move or change address after all this time. She enjoys her freedom, lamenting having to be accountable to staff at her new place for safety sake; and her house was her connection to her deceased husband and many memories of prior times which have passed for good. But she did this out of love and because she didn’t want to be a burden to her children. She gave up the bigger house, the pool, the secure garage, the possessions and her freedom to move into a place where she has her own space for now; she is part of a community of seniors in transition, each learning how to face whatever is to come. Ben Franklin quote

Each of us must find our way through the minefield of life, often fraught with such discomfort and significant change that we are rendered stunned. In hopes that she has eased that stage for her sons, I give her great credit! It takes unconditional love and an unselfish heart to leave almost all you’ve treasured and gathered behind for the sake of the ease of others. It is hard to imagine rendering most everything material as inconsequential; but not when measuring the worth of such things against those most precious to your heart – your children and/or family- and their needs! It is not easy watching people change, but it is incredibly hard to watch them go. I am preparing myself for that time with her, with my own mom and with others in my life; as time itself erodes the illusion of safety nets we seem to have when we’re younger. We must learn to accept the changes, to face things with bravery, even to blaze the pathways into unknown places for the sake of love! Fortunate are those of us who also do it with faith.  Signature02

Rolling With the Changes . .

02 Tuesday Jun 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Change, Choices, Conquering Fear, Contentment, Courage, Growing, Joy, Lessons

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Acceptance, Change, Maturity

I’m rolling with the changes . . otherwise the brakes of resistance I try to apply wear out from fighting against the natural state of things. Life is ever-changing and though we might believe ourselves easily rocked by all the change we experience, we are only able to truly grow and develop when we’re forced out of our comfort zones. Change is life!  Persistence-and-Determination

We begin as babies incapable of fending for ourselves or appraising our own course; were we not to change, we wouldn’t even understand that we had life! So why does it often become harder to accept all the change of life by the middle or perceived end? I suppose it is our awareness having awakened us to the realities of life’s abruptness and unfiltered truths. Life can seem so hard once we understand loss, brevity, failure, fear, doubt, worry, anxiety, lack, need, and all the emotions which push upon our souls. But at the same time, life is supposed to have prepared us each step of the way for exactly what comes next, known or unknown. We should know by now that we’re not invincible, infallible and that our time is not infinite here on earth; but we should also believe ourselves successful at having made it this far!  Socrates-Quote-on-Change

We’ve learned, grown, developed, overcome, strengthened our minds, bodies and spirits for the journey yet to come! Why then be reticent when changes happen? Without change there can be no actual growth or development in us or around us, in which we might take great pleasure in having mastered another life skill or challenge! Life wouldn’t be much at all were we to remain as we once were. If we keep applying the brakes to our life as it changes around us – hiding or diverting from the changes we fear, dread or imagine – we risk stalling, crashing or disabling our own lives in the process. In the end, life is really the sum of all that we met and overcame in pursuit of some level of contentment, inner peace and joy within our souls! We should welcome the changes as new tests and testimonies for having stood tall and strong in this life!  

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The Seed of Hope Within . .

14 Thursday May 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Conquering Fear, Faithfulness, Lessons, Positivity

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Faith, Hope, Perseverance

If you allow yourself . .  search and find through every struggle, during each test of willful patience and persistence, and in every trial, the counterbalancing measure of hope which can and will develop within if you only let it! We are born that way, we are designed to persist with hope and by faith. If we don’t vanquish our hope for the sake of our weary, worn-down resolve to quit, to give in, to let go, or to harden our hearts and minds.   download (1)

When something is pushing us down, our natural inclination is to push back in self-defense. We’re not naturally inclined to be quitters. Each breath of life and every heartbeat confers that spirit. In each of us is tenacity for the sake of survival, for the sake of developing life wisdom and for the sake of persevering through challenges meant for our betterment. But we all too often let what was an opportunity for growth become an opportunity for fear, doubt and negativity to take root. And in those moments, we design ourselves anew, with fear, doubt, negativity and hardness taking hold!  persistence

Let the seed of hope which is rooted within you be the one which you nurture and feed when the going is tough! If you give hope your faithful attention rather than focusing on feeding your fears, doubts, sense of failure and negativity, you will have a full stockpile of hopeful intentions, thoughts and emotions upon which to call when you need to strengthen your resolve; to push forward and to overcome all the rest of the world! Hope lives within us all as a counterbalance for the rush of life against our living vessel. We are pushed, thrown, plunged and even emerged for what seems eternities in rough seas quite often in life. But it is only when we give way to those forces rather than developing our stick-to-it-ed-ness and willful determination, that we quit on life.  quotes-hope-01-samuel-johnson-600x411

Life is hard, often seemingly it is downright impossible, yet here we all are! Within us is a great strength and willful determination to live, to persist, to thrive and to move forward . . if we just call upon that hope from within rather than fostering what won’t help us in the end! Next time life hands you a challenge, or you are overwhelmed by some set of circumstances, consider the seedling which is pushing back within you for your very own sake. Let hope grow until it breaks through the surface with purposeful intent! Let it fill your mind, heart and spirit with willful and purposeful tenacity, strength and perseverance for the test and whatever lies ahead.   Signature02

Changing Currents . .

01 Sunday Feb 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Change, Choices, Conquering Fear, Discipline, Joy, Lessons, Peace

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Change, Faith, Self-Control

Looks like Wuthering Heights out there this morning, with this misty, foggy morning we’re having. I’m enjoying the changes Winter brings; one day there’s warmth and sunshine, and the next a wet few days of cloudy chill. Change is good, it keeps us from getting used to the way things are; potentially growing quite restless from the boredom, sameness and constancy of our habits, patterns and thoughts. We are prompted by change to flow with it and to make the necessary alterations within to accommodate it.   DSCI0440

Without change, I would suppose even those things we value the most would soon meld into the growing stagnancy of our minds, thoughts and lives; thus making us a bit less appreciative and grateful for them. Change keeps us on our toes in life; it forces us to restructure, rebuild, renew and create. Change is disrupting, as it often moves us from the familiar and beloved, or at least from the all-too-comfortable realms of our world. It represents often times a bit of chaos, and with that our fears, doubts and worries are stoked into flames which threaten to consume our lives entirely at the onset. But change can also be the catalyst for something more; change can be the exact thing we need to shake us from our sleep, to motivate and to entice us into action which then betters our life. Learning to change our perspective in regards to the constant changing circumstances of our lives is key to how enjoyable our lives become and how at peace we are throughout. 532358_4001177101920_1572559675_n_large

Not everyone is accepting of change, as it usually represents a disruption to the patterns, ways and comforting familiarities of life; but change happens nonetheless. The best way we can learn to flow through life is to view life as an unpredictable ride on changing currents, leading us to unknown and uncertain places. Life becomes less a struggle when we accept the very nature of its constantly-changing transformation, alteration and uncertainty. And it’s often just our own fears, doubts and worries which make us doubt our ability to ride the latest changing current. We have to take control of our emotions in regards to the uncertainty and possible fears which changes represent to us. When we learn to control our reactions and emotions about what happens to us in life from within, we gain immeasurable peace, comfort and joy in life! What we need to face the unseen coming with these changes is faith in what we can’t see, know or prove. Faith in God, and His assurances to us, brings us the courage to face the changes and challenges of life head on, rather than to dread them! Have faith in today, through today and in God! For changes will come . . Signature02

Living Takes A Will . .

23 Friday Jan 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Choices, Commitment, Conquering Fear, Courage, Dreams, Faith, Growing, Success, Trials

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Hope, Perseverance, Persistence

Living takes a will . . one courageous, trusting and hopeful enough to overlook fear, the “what-ifs” and the scrapes of falling in failure. We cannot dare live, with our eyes closed, behind our protective walls and within our safest confines. Living means we face our fears with courage, we endeavor to meet our challenges head on and we keep climbing no matter how many times we slip or fall from this rung or the next. Living isn’t easy, without obstacle; and it surely isn’t done in the safety of our mind’s making. It takes faith, hope, trust, perseverance as well as a surrender to our inability to control every detail and every outcome. But living is worth every scraped knee we endure, each failure, all of our attempts, each broken heart or broken dream. For in getting those, we lived!  images success

No one ever experiences anything worthwhile when merely existing. Push yourself to go beyond today and every day you get by purposefully living rather than merely existing through them. How do we do that and what is the difference? Living means we are already outside of whatever comfort zone we may have set up for ourselves; it means we dare to realize our dreams, to attempt to make our desires reality and it means we don’t give up on ourselves! Living, as opposed to just existing, means that when faced with challenges, we don’t hide, run or flee. We aren’t going to outrun all of our challenges, so the sooner we learn to step up to the plate each one represents, the better. It is life-affirming, confidence-building and esteem-igniting each and every time we take life’s challenges on for the sake of passing the tests and trials each represents to us. If we run, hide, seek to escape or let others do the heavy-lifting in life, we never learn to trust in ourselves, to believe in ourselves or to have faith and hope in our future!  images5Y99UUMF

Just like with our first steps, our first developmental stages through infancy, life never ceases to present to us challenges and learning experiences which we must overcome and pass in order that we may grow and develop into new stages! And each of those new stages brings more of the same by way of tests and trials which we must learn to pass successfully in order that we grow and develop for what lies ahead. Imagine if we had chosen in our toddler years to remain helpless and infantile? No one does that because adulthood represents an promising period which prompts our desire for more. All children seem to want to leapfrog through their development, eager to grow up before their time. Why then do we suddenly find our scraped knees, fears and failures so overwhelming at some advancing age, that we wish to halt our own progress? Keep pushing through challenges, obstacles and all the mess life brings! The only person you really hurt when you let fear, doubt, insecurity or apathy win is you! Make it your goal to live today, with a will, courage, faith and hope. Don’t let life beat you back, down or out.    Signature02

Choose the Challenging Road . .

11 Thursday Dec 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Character, Choices, Commitment, Conquering Fear, Courage, Discipline, Lessons, Opportunity

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Challenges, growth, Life Lessons

We do ourselves no favor when we look for the easiest way out or the way of least resistance every time! I choose the stairs because I know that habitual choice does more for me than an elevator. A flight of stairs is harder, the elevator often more convenient and easier; but the stairs does something for me physically which the elevator can’t! And so, I choose the stairs most times. In all the ways life was made easy for me by choice or by circumstance, I responded with less change, less growth and less will. In every way.               imageschallenge1

 

When we aren’t challenged, we don’t grow, change or become stronger. Look at someone who truly has overcome significant challenges and see if you aren’t truly inspired! Life is in our challenges and how we do in fact overcome them or at least endeavor to! There isn’t much to say about evading, eluding or ignoring challenges . . and so there isn’t much we can say about our lives when we have or when we do evade, elude or ignore challenges most of or all the time. We’re meant to develop, learn, overcome and to experience change all of our lives. Shutting down that process by means of self-doubt, self-protection, fear or even an apathetic attitude towards growth doesn’t serve any purpose but to instill a false sense of acceptance about a life which then stagnates.

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Push yourself to stand up to the fears and doubts which could otherwise prove crippling. Take a stance against your own urge to run, to evade or to always choose ease. And when others give you the easy way, or life proves itself too simple, challenge yourself to more! And if you believe your life has already been too challenging, hence your desire to not experience anything but ease; I suggest you take a look at how much personal growth and what lessons were hidden there within everything you have had to overcome! There isn’t much you’ll gain from a life without challenge, without test or trial and sans difficulty. But in the throes of what seems challenging, there is much to learn, much to overcome and much by which we make ourselves better! Perhaps it is just the perspective . . challenges aren’t all bad, negative or hard. In challenges lies great potential for change, opportunity for growth and life lessons!       Signature02

 

Living In The Present . .

09 Tuesday Dec 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Choices, Conquering Fear, Contentment, Happiness, Lessons, Self-Control, Wisdom

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Escape, Peace, Wisdom

Have you thought at times how wonderful it would be to live someplace else? Rather than here, rather than now, for dwelling someplace other than in the current situation might seem like a rewarding way to live life; it might seem like an escape! After all, don’t we often dwell in two other sought-after places as much as possible as a means of escape or as a way of providing ourselves comfort from the here and now? 

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We often travel to the past, a destination which cannot be changed; which has a great hold on our emotions and our psyches. There in the past, we think we can find a solution to our present woes; or perhaps we think we can find a way to heal something which was broken or fix something which faltered. If only our reasoning in regards to the past were able at this time, this day and for this particular subject, to lead us like a detective to some light-bulb moment which we could change back then. If only we could alter in our own minds the steps which led back then from A to B, we would now realize our current residency in C would be more acceptable and not such a source or contention or dismay. If only! 

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And often we desire travel to the future, a place which remains unknown no matter how hard we look or how far we try to see.  We have such high hopes of altering our current state of life by learning about what the unknown future holds for us. Like wayward time-travelers, if we could just take our capsule to the farthest reaches of some galaxy ahead of the here and now, we would know for certain that what we’re doing now is laying the appropriate groundwork for what will happen to us then. We could see what to fear, or what to evade or know for certain so many aspects which make up the great body of uncertainty looming ahead. Perhaps we think by knowing what is coming and when, we will in some way be better prepared for living these present days sans error, mistakes and heartbreaks.

 

Sadly, both destinations truly cannot really make the here and now any better; but we insist upon spending a great deal of time preparing to go, musing our emotions and reasoning away our thoughts about both travel spots! Do they really serve as an escape from the here and now; or are both destinations often detrimental to our enjoyment and our contentment of the here and now? I would guess that more often than not, traveling and spending too much time in either the past or the future leads us to less pleasure, comfort and peace in the here and now! Life is occurring right here and right now. If we gave our energy and turned our thoughts to how we might be content and at peace with the current state of things, we might realize how very blessed, how very fortunate and how very comfortable things are for us. And if we feel today is fine as is there is no need to draw anything but lessons from the past and to live with hope for the future! Comfort, peace and enjoyment now require no escape! All of that comfort, peace and enjoyment now comes through acceptance of the past, known and unchangeable; and faith in the future, sight unseen. Live for today and in today; let yesterday be but a guide and tomorrow, just a hopeful promise.

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