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Category Archives: Choices

The Crutch of An Excuse . .

02 Tuesday Dec 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Character, Choices, Discipline, Ethics, Self-Respect, Strength

≈ 2 Comments

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character, Excuses, Victimization

 

Making excuses for other people can be a slippery slope, as often we’re enabling them or giving them permission to keep on doing as they will with no recourse or reproach. It can render us silent when we should be anything but. But worse than that is to make excuses for ourselves by using others as our foil! When we do that, we hide from consequences, we pass the buck of personal responsibility and we shun the burden to behave, to think and to speak as we know we should!

 

There are far too many people these days that have learned it’s easier and more convenient to pass the fault and the blame for their own lives being in ruin onto others. Making those excuses becomes a crutch on which they stand progressively more and more each new day! Instead of learning how to heal from life’s battles, to strengthen self or to develop beyond their own mistakes and failings, they rely upon the handy excuse of “blame the other guy” or “it’s his or her fault, not mine!” or the often used, “I give you all responsibility”.

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It has become so easy to lob insulting rhetoric, bombastic opinion and to evade personal responsibility by claiming a constant state of victimhood rather than to learn to grow and develop through discipline and effort, past or beyond some situation or life event! Once upon a time, when someone was born in a supposed disadvantaged state, the person would be encouraged to work through the factors of such a  perceived disadvantage as poverty, minority class or handicap for their own sake, so that by strengthening their inner stamina and will, they would excel in life beyond the state of their present set of circumstances. Now however, we’ve learned victimhood presumed by a “disadvantaged” state of birth, life choices or unfortunate circumstances as a sport, as a hobby and as a profession! It is easier to render people immobile and functionless based on so many factors which are surmountable and should even encourage the opposite purely by their accepting this new sport of victimization!

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Society now has exonerated from personal responsibility and disciplined living entire swaths of people collectively based on a growing desire to evade the onus of responsibility and commitment to change! Human growth has stalled in the forest of overgrown weeds of unloving, uncompassionate and immature souls incapable of personal development much less living amidst communities as responsible citizens. The “me” has replaced the “we” with a deadened thump upon the soul’s impetus to grow, develop and mature through so many perceived negatives and overall hampering; that now, many souls have stagnated in muddy puddles of darkened uselessness, apathy and victimization! God made us to be so much more for His effort. How sad when we choose to make such ready excuses for ourselves by placing the blame consistently and constantly upon the backs of others in whom we can secure our victimhood! We are self–fueled and self-propelled, lest we forget the origin of our Divine Creator’s handiwork in us! No one is accountable for our lives but us. Signature02

 

Are You Content?

28 Friday Nov 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Choices, Contentment, Fullness, Gratitude, Happiness

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Contentment, Gratitude, Peace

Are you content? On this day, when we see people clamoring to add more to their stockpiles of possessions because they don’t yet have enough, can we answer that question for ourselves? Am I content in life? If this were all I were to have, or to be, or to make, or to accomplish, or to be given in terms of longevity . . if this were all, would I be able to say I am content as is?

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Contentment is the secret to peace and happiness, for it affords to us the assurance that we are accepting of our own lives, our own accomplishments, our own journey’s events and steps taken. We can still aspire to make our yet-unaccomplished goals a reality; but our contentment is an appraisal of the here and now, based on the past unchanged and the future yet unknown.

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If we’re not content, we often look for things outside of ourselves to bring us joy; but things or other people apart from us cannot manufacture peace of mind or be our source of joy or contentment within us. It is up to us to discern within, am I content; so that we ourselves might deem this life as acceptable! And if not, why? As Paul states in the Bible, in the Book of Philippians 4: 11-12 . . Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.

 

No manner of Black Friday purchase or addendum of any person can change our sense of contentment with life for the long-term. All that we discern as meaningful for our lives and about our lives must be formed from within our grateful hearts and our peaceful minds, here and now!

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The Recipes of Life . .

21 Friday Nov 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Choices, Confidence, Faith, Lessons, Patience, Peace, Quitting

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Fortitude, Perseverance, tenacity

I am trying a new recipe this morning, and I was starting to get a bit concerned about whether or not it would work. It’s one of those with yeast, which requires a period of activation and rising to do its part. And I hope it will turn out well, but I see a parallel with life in this simple task of hoping in the yeast to do its part. Life for the most part is a series of actions, purposeful and not, which add up to some outcomes and consequences which either seem positive or negative by our appraisal. So life is just a sequence of things we hope for and changes we make when our hopes are dashed. No big deal! 23-09-2013-00-Success-Quotes

 

Why then do we put so much emotional weight on everything we haven’t got a full grasp of control upon anyway?? Do we suppose that we’re better-fated, better-intentioned or just better than others – so that everything should go our way? Even if we’ve prayed and asked God for His favor in something, it doesn’t mean that He will agree that we’re making the right steps, moving in the right direction or are ready for whatever it is we’re looking to find, do or be! Relax; life is about starting some recipes, attempting new things, trying to make something from nothing by mixing intentions, aims and hopes all together. And if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again! Don’t get so discouraged because it wasn’t easy, perfect or natural for you. If you happen to get fortunate with whatever it is you are attempting, then great! But if it doesn’t work after a while and a few go-arounds, perhaps look for a new “recipe” or way to do what it is you wish to!178962_476497912365218_1729959021_n

 

Don’t let the emotional weight of doing, being, making and hoping overwhelm the entire process. Life is all about the trial and error, the endeavoring and the accomplishing, learning and growing in ways you might not yet have even imagined. But don’t give up hope that you’ll either make this recipe or some other way ultimately work. Discouragement doesn’t taste as good as finding the right recipe!

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Prisons of Our Own Making . .

17 Monday Nov 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Choices, Confidence, Conquering Fear, Fear, Positivity, Strength

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Courage, Overcoming, Strength

There just comes a time when carrying a perceived burden, problem or uncertainty becomes too weighty for me, so that the resolution, solution, or just plowing forward into the uncertainty becomes a necessary relief. And so it is . . we have to release ourselves from the prisons of our own making!

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We often choose to remain focused on things which we fear, by way of doubts, which we want to evade and for which we find procrastination an ease; but when the burden upon our minds and hearts becomes too much to bear one more day, we often release our own inner-kraken or monster of forceful energy, determined to change the circumstances! We have to; we’ve spent too much energy, time and focus on those things in the first place. Otherwise we would live in such emotional torment, such consternation, with such a sense of dread about what might be or may be or could happen at any minute.

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Upon bottling up our emotions, our energy and our focus for so long on problems, eventually the problem itself provokes us to do something. It’s inevitable when the weight gets so heavy on our souls. Unless we’re hiding the effects of such things, by distracting ourselves to the point of not recognizing burdens, problems, and such; we will eventually erupt like a volcano, pushed to the tipping point for our own sake. So it is almost always better for us dealing with things before we reach the point where those things have pushed us to the point of dealing with them!

 

When we’re proactive, we often aren’t so dis-empowered, so fatigued or require such hasty thinking as when we’re retroactively reactive. But even if we wait until we cannot wait one more day, we must go forward with confidence; knowing that procrastination, ignoring or just wishing things away doesn’t usually work or resolve anything. There is no better time than the present to believe yourself a capable life-manager, who is able to cope with and to resolve all the situations life delivers to your door! No better time than the present to be proactive rather than just reactive! You may not fix things in a moment, a day or even have all the answers; but evading, avoidance and delaying the inevitable are going to wear upon you in the meantime. See your problems and your concerns as managerial duties of your life; the better you are at managing all of that, the better your life becomes!

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Rough Seas . .

14 Friday Nov 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Choices, Courage, Faith, Peace, Strength

≈ 2 Comments

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Faith, Perseverance, Strength

Life is pushing and pulling a lot of people . . rough seas ahead or already all around!
But rough seas are something in which we’ve all had to surrender, to live, to bide our time and to make our way before. They’re not new, perhaps just the reason for them is new now. It’s a new storm, a new condition, a new time of uncertainty and tenuousness. But we’ve gotten through them before, we must believe in our ability to ride these waves out too!    7aee159e3d-1

 

When life is pushing hard at us, our fears are rising, our troubles seem to be unending and our hopes are at risk of fading, what can we do? I suppose it’s easy to say this, because it’s not always easy to do this – but we can remain in faith, we can rest in God’s assurances and keep our peace regardless. But that’s impossible, you say!! “This is the storm of the century, these waves are too great . . I don’t deserve this . . this cannot be . . I’m already worn out”, and so on . . . etc., etc., etc.  That’s not to diminish how heartbreaking, heart-wrenching or how frightening this storm is! It’s not to impugn our fears, worries and doubts in this event versus others or those of others. It’s not about our expectation of what should be, or about comparing what is happening now to what happened prior, or even about what might yet be. It’s not even the case that we can measure our fear, pain or trauma against anyone else’s! 41Mqz+PSnBL

 

We have to find a way to roll with the big waves as they come, to survive as best as we’re able; and to expect that on another random, new, seemingly sunny day, another of life’s storms will develop. And when that next storm comes, will we be fearless, peaceful, prepared and know exactly what to do?? Probably not. But with the arrival of every one of life’s storms, because of what we’ve already been through, what we’ve already overcome and what we’ve learned about ourselves, we can confidently build our strength, perseverance and survivor muscles for this storm too! Confident that we’ve ridden other storms out and survived those . . our faithfulness in God will bring us assurance that we will see better days ahead with calmer seas, so our peace is much easier to maintain whilst in those storms!

Expect life, like the sea, to change on any given day in any uncertain way. That is the nature of the beast! But give yourself some peace and give God the burden of faithfully guiding you through these rough seas ahead!

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Discipline Brings Rewards . .

12 Wednesday Nov 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Character, Choices, Commitment, Discipline, Lessons, Patience, Self-Control, Strength

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commitment, Discipline, Self-Control

When disciplining our own behavior brings us rewards immediately, our will is much easier to muster. But when discipline promises rewards which aren’t yet noticeable, haven’t yet paid-off with any “rewards” or given us much measurable success, we have to dig down deeper into our stores of will and perseverance. It’s then when we learn of what stuff we are made. It is then that we know how committed we are to whatever it is we’re trying to achieve, to accomplish or to be. dis

 

Our personal success might depend on others at times, it may rely in part on random occurrences which alter our course; but our successes are always a direct result and dependent upon how much will, determination, discipline and fortitude we choose to exert when things aren’t paying off or coming so easily! Our dig-down-to-it-ed-ness and our desire to be, do, have or make something come to fruition must be more worthwhile and prized than the weight of all the time passing, or how tiresome it becomes in process. 89281-Quotes+on+working+out+

 

Climbing up a mountain can be a grueling and tiresome venture. But at the top awaits the reward! There is a 360 degree vista at the apex which is like no other on the way up. There is the joy and sense of accomplishment of having made the ascent and done the hard work! Easy living rarely brings such tremendous uplifting victories to our soul by way of joy and contentment, much less by bringing such a boost to our self-worth or confidence. It is usually in the hard, endurance-worthy, time-contributed, sweat-raising, questionable matters by which we earn our greatest payoffs!

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There are gains in easy, no-sweat victories for sure. But not like the gains and rewards when discipline is a genuine investment! You can choose, do I sit out the hard stuff just because it requires more energy, time and will; or do I discipline myself for those matters which truly require it because they bring more to me in the end?! Signature02

Putting on the Lenses of Gratitude . .

27 Monday Oct 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Choices, Faithfulness, God, Gratitude, Positivity

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Blessings, God, Positivity

Yesterday a few friends and I were sharing our personal stories of extreme weather events, of enduring and surviving. It became so obvious from the first moments, that each of us was grateful for having been through what we had been unscathed. But it also became so crystal clear to us that our thankfulness went far beyond that! We were thankful, upon recollecting, for not having had to endure far worse! Each day, in every moment, lies infinite potential for better and worse. The very thing which makes it evident to us is our awareness in those moments of how grateful we are for what we have, for what we evaded and for how we are blessed!

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Good could be better. And perhaps we’re angry or upset that it was not. But in that state, did we take note of how it was still good and not bad or even worse?? Were we present in our blissful awareness to also be thankful that it wasn’t negative, or just worse?! We’re fabulous at pointing out how bad things are, or how we survived or lived through; probably because our pain, struggles or our hardships seem to garner us more attention by way of compassion, sympathy and empathy. But if we truly were present in each moment, we would soon see how very blessed we are and always have been! Good might surely have been better, but for everything, time or person who represented good to us in our lives, we were spared the worse things, times and people. And even if we encounter those things, times and people which are worse, it could have always been worse even yet!

 

549516_469832986380781_1137289488_nThankfulness reminds us of the breadth and scope of our life’s events as it focuses our limited attention to a wider range of possibility in assessment. Gratitude is a practice which only leads to more reasons to be grateful! Looking back at your life, I’m sure now you can see more reasons for which your life is meaningful, rewarding and valuable than ever before if you but put on the lenses of gratitude!

 

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Content With Myself . .

25 Saturday Oct 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Character, Choices, Commitment, Discipline, Ethics, God, Life, Self-Control, Self-Esteem, Self-Respect

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Contentment, Love, Self-Esteem

The older I get, the more I realize that lite isn’t about changing myself to suit others or to please others or to follow anyone else’s lead. Life is about growing, changing, learning, and becoming whomever it is I was meant to be and being accepting of that person through it all! That means I live in step with my values, my beliefs and in an such a way as to uphold daily my character. It doesn’t mean that I look for ease in everything, expect everyone’s approval or think I know it all by now. It means that I’m not content in anything or with anyone else unless I first am content with myself – able to discern my own self-worth and to love myself regardless the presence or absence of others and in spite of all circumstances, including my own flaws and imperfections! And that contentment with myself is paramount to a life spent people pleasing, agreeing with or assuring others instead.

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It’s not selfish to do so, it’s self-preserving to live one’s own life for the sake of preserving one’s innermost core of values, beliefs and character; and most importantly, in preserving one’s own sense of self-worth, self-love and self-acceptance. Otherwise we might risk becoming yet another of the lost, seemingly-uncertain and unaware souls who don’t know their own value first and foremost because they’ve placed all measure and determination of that most critical appraisal in the tenuous hands of others or in the worth of things attained.

 

And don’t we see the obvious effects of those lost souls daily in our news broadcasts, in stories of such tragedies and loss? Those are the stories of people who aren’t able, at a time or in a moment to remember the value of their own lives, much less the lives of others. They’ve placed their own esteem in the hands of others, or lost it for themselves by not living in accord with their beliefs or values; or believed it was equitable to what they’ve accomplished or had achieved. Such sad stories when we know a person’s worth is priceless because it comes from God, were only all souls made known of that fact!   2608-character

 

Every person’s value is infinite! All of us face times of great consternation, pain and wearing-down of self; but those who live with awareness of their worth first through Him tend to persist through their life storms with more will and tenacity because they know unequivocally that critical  measure! They aren’t so-easily eroded by the influences of other humans or by the passing fancy of circumstance. Contentment starts by rooting in the firmament of God rather than in the shaky ground of mere humanity. 

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This Is the Human World . .

16 Thursday Oct 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Choices, Confidence, Conquering Fear, Discipline, Faithfulness, God

≈ 1 Comment

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Faithfulness, God, Peace

Sometimes what seems so obvious isn’t. And what we think we know, we don’t. And what seems like truth is far from it. This is the world of mistaken perceptions, of unknowns and often, untruths. This is the human world, which lives by and in only limited human understanding. We may think we know how to do all, our egos may tell us we can fix this or change that; but we’re limited by our own abilities as human beings and by our own incomplete awareness. We’re not God, we’re not gods. We are all humans in a world where we and many other humans do our best and many others still do their worst. It’s the way of humanity.  2-chronicles-7-vs-14

The reason things here on Earth never feel quite totally safe or completely assured or in perfect working order are because they never will be when left in human hands. Someone will make a bad choice with consequential ripples; someone else will falter in their steps or another will purposefully act in discordant fashion, and others still will simply not know what to do at any given time.

Now should we be fearful of this daily reality? Should we live in complete despair at the knowledge of our own flawed humanness? Maybe and perhaps many shall and will. But for those who place all humans equally under the dominion of God, our humanity is expected and even understood. It is right, if not righteous. It is true, if not truthful. It is sure, if not assuring. So there is really no point in living fearfully, without peace or caught in the discord of any moment’s chaos. We’re not in the world of perfection or purity. We’re in the world where conflicts occur, where erroneous acts are perpetrated either purposefully or not. We’re in the world of humans, the fallen world. We’re in the world where really good, unselfish and compassionate acts of love occur as well; but that is because humans have within them the love of God. As for the rest, the negative or destructive, we have within us that potential because we’re humans.

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Only God can and does provide humans their path towards righteousness, their example of truthfulness and their worldly assuredness. I would expect, in those who don’t know God, this world is unsteady. To those who do, this world is not their focus, so none of its problems or posturing is either. Keeping eyes on Him and hearts in Him is the anecdote to fear, doubt, worry, trepidation, despair, depression, feeling lost, feeling unloved, the unknown and all that is of this world.              Signature02

What Others Think . .

13 Monday Oct 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Character, Choices, Confidence, God, Gratitude, Happiness, Humility, Love, Peace, Self-Esteem, Self-Respect

≈ 1 Comment

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Confidence, God, Self-worth

Often we think it matters more what others think of us, if we’re acceptable or alright in their eyes. But we mustn’t forget that what matters most in this world is how we appraise ourselves and who we are in God’s eyes. Others will have their opinions, fleeting, and based on their own limited knowledge and awareness. Perhaps they never fully know the inner workings of our hearts, minds and spirits. So basing our own self-appraisal on limited thought and consideration provides us with a limited or faulty appraisal. But God knows us through and through. We cannot hide who we are from Him! We cannot hide who we are from ourselves. It is all self-evident in our choices, in our family-lives, in our pursuits, in our hobbies, in our friendships and in our priorities. Spending time on developing the inner soul and sanctum means more in this life than any measure of outer approval rendered by any other means. We simply cannot ever be “enough” measured by anything external to us when such an appraisal is needed for just our ego’s sake. 15352_20130502_091007_Pali

 

We should always endeavor to be self-propelled and self-managed, rather than relying upon the conditional approval of others. When we cede our ego’s appraisal to any outside source, we lose pieces and parts, clarity and awareness, from our identity within. I’ve witnessed so many people nearly destroyed by not getting the favorable opinions or praise from others that should have been established from within them – by knowing who they are, by believing in and respecting themselves, by establishing themselves in the known love of God. 64181_290813230990390_109759299095785_738958_1742442314_n

 

Human appraisal is not sustaining and is need-based; but self-acceptance formed through His love and promises is! Self-acceptance, self-respect and self-love fully-formed out of knowing who we are and from where we rightfully come is undeniable, firm and indelible. It’s nice to have others affirm qualities about us or compliment us on various aspects of our lives or person; but what is even nicer is having genuine self-acceptance of all that God has created us to be, with our foothold in self-confidence, self-love and self-respect regardless the opinions of others!

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