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Tag Archives: Self-Esteem

Insecurity is Visible…

29 Sunday Oct 2017

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Blessings, Character, Confidence, Contentment, Freedom, God, Maturity, Offense, Peace, Self-Control, Self-Esteem, Strength

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Confidence, Insecurity, Narcissism, Self-Esteem, Self-worth, Value

So many people these days are insecure, riddled with self-doubt, and unable to positively identify themselves by decisive means. They are lost, meandering through their lives looking for validation and for acceptance! It’s really sad to watch seemingly successful, established, attractive people flailing about looking for the approval or esteem from outside that should be naturally flourishing from within!

You probably have seen these people around you every day. They may have jobs, careers, families, friends, and present themselves as well-adjusted and successful at reaching their goals in life. But, in fact, they are struggling with insecurity. This insecurity stifles their creativity, befuddles their pursuit of goals, and hinders the real progress they could make in relationships as well as personal development. 

Insecurity is visible! It shows up as narcissism, jealousy, anger, envy, intolerance, excessive criticism, and in those who are always easily offended by others. Insecurity is when we don’t quite believe we’re worthy, or that we’re attractive, talented, capable, our opinions or beliefs are valid, or that we’re loveable. It is any sense of our lacking when we’re estimating the value of others in comparison! Are we as popular, pretty, slender, wealthy, successful, talented, smart, (or whatever measurement we’re using to compare and contrast our life with the lives of those around us)?!

We’re meant to get our value and worth from the knowledge and assurance that we’re beloved children of God! He’s our Creator, so He made us as we are with inherent human value and worth to achieve the purposes He has designed just for us! But many of us don’t believe in God’s dominion over our lives, and so we don’t know that our value is derived from knowing who we are through Him! We instead get our value from other places then, from other people, from the things we’ve collected and boasted of routinely, from the position we hold, from the level of our personal or professional achievements, from how attractive others think we are, from our ability to do certain things, or to hold particular positions. Without having that relationship with God, as Father, we are always going to live our life comparing and contrasting, competing and defeating, dwelling and then repelling all the subjectivity of flawed and irrational human thinking, our own and that of others! We spend a lot of energy and time dealing with insecurity as a result, which takes us from our life pursuits, the purposes God has in mind for us. And when we’re insecure, we spend a lot of time finding fault with others in an effort to raise our own self-perception! 

When we know that we matter, we’re loved, we’re loveable, and that we were created as we were meant to be by the Lord, we don’t need to feel insecure about our appearance, our thoughts, our beliefs, our talents, our bodies, or our level of achievement in any area of living! We can go into anything certain that He goes with us, He has prepared us or will for whatever we face, and that we needn’t doubt our ability or any other facet of our being. He leads us, He goes with us, He is our strength, and He is our guide. Now, it’s true that those who don’t believe won’t grasp this difference! That is obvious. But they also don’t see the nature of issues with insecurity rising in this nation as we push God further from our personal lives! Such rampant insecurity is a clear indication of lives lived without the sense of God’s value known for certainty within them! Even believers struggle at times with thoughts that can erode our confidence and our assurances! When you know you matter as you are though, then someone else’s wealth, acclaim, position, race, sexual identity, possessions, and beliefs won’t seem threatening at all! And our own struggles to achieve the success we think we should attain won’t become such an overwhelming weight upon our souls! Knowing God is our designer sets us free from the embattled sense of entitlement, jealousy, envy, narcissism, greed, self-doubt, self-obsession, constant self-promotion, and any other eroding measure! Struggling is part of life, but to wrangle with insecurity, lacking confidence in ourselves as God’s invaluable creation, is to struggle needlessly even more so!

Living A Whole Life, With Integrity . .

27 Friday Mar 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Character, Choices, Contentment, Discipline, Integrity, Maturity, Wisdom

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Integrity, Self-Esteem, Self-Respect

Think about all the ways we compartmentalize our lives, easily and willfully. We can often even seem to be different people in various places and with certain others. It is surely a source of difficulty for us when we develop the habit of being one person in one situation and another for others. How can we learn to be authentic, to know our true worth and to respect who we are if we’re always morphing the “who” for the sake of the where, when or why? To be the most authentic, self-aware and self-fulfilled soul, we must learn to develop a foundation of beliefs, values and character traits which affirm our essence from the inside out. We might evolve through those aspects, beliefs and values as we mature; but we stay firmly tethered to all of that as a means of not losing our way in life.   20130407-021605

 

When we compartmentalize our beliefs, values or alter our character to suit the situation or to fit in with others, we erode our own sense of assuredness in who we are! That is our integrity, the truth we know about ourselves. And that is a terribly high price to pay for wanting to fit in or for wishing we were cool! Staying true to ourselves is the one parameter we must never cease in upholding; for when we do, we also cross an infinite continuum of others! If we lie to ourselves, if we will compromise our own virtue, if we will cede our own respect and if we will not love ourselves enough to protect our being, then we surely won’t do that for others or feel the need to give them the same manner of respect! So the importance of holding firmly with discipline and self-control into a set of parameters whereby our lives by action, word, thought and deed affirm what we’ve stated or postured about our beliefs, values and character is imperative to our health, well-being and overall survival. People say, “But it’s just this once!” or “I don’t think it will matter in the long run!”, or “what difference does it make what I do?” But what those people don’t imagine is the price paid each and every time they erode from within the measures by which self-esteem, self-respect and self- assurance maintain integrity! When integrity is lost, all is lost!

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So no matter what we might think of small diversions from our true selves, they are long-lasting, impactful and often detrimental to our long-term peace of mind and inner contentment! Guilt, shame, self-abasement and all sorts of consequences come upon a soul burdened by a lifetime of baggage which was brought on one’s self. With wisdom comes the manner by which we learn to be unified in character and purpose through all areas of our life, we learn that we cannot be one thing in this area and another over here. We must be authentic and committed to being exactly what we believe, think and know we are, in every situation and in every aspect of our lives!  Signature02

Standing Strong and Secure . .

25 Wednesday Mar 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Character, Choices, Discipline, Self-Control, Self-Esteem, Strength

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Discipline, Integrity, Self-Esteem

The daily challenge is to not lose yourself in the process of living your life. We are facing trying times, hardened hearts and even actions, deliberate and accidental, in which we might be pushed to our supposed limits. People can try our patience, tempt us into their path and/or test our resolve; but we mustn’t lose our center of beliefs, values, character and the heart of love which keeps us grounded through our thoughts, words, actions and reactions. images integrityThe worse thing we can do is to become so full of the world that we are no longer filled with ourselves!

We’re made in our unique form, with our individual beliefs, values and character formed over a lifetime of living in this world. So when we intersect with others, we must always do our best to maintain our integrity. Losing ourselves for the sake of the world makes us first weaken the connection we have with ourselves! Living authentically means that we establish first a foundation on which we build our lives, which we endeavor to preserve for all time for our own preservation. We might amend who we are as we go, we might alter our beliefs; but we always establish for ourselves a parameter and foundation first built on values, self-worth and our character traits, by which we then both view the rest of the world and interact with it. 

 imagesM70D100D Don’t let others in their random ignorance or in their purposeful endeavors, take from you your inherent value by eroding your integrity in that process. Determine what it is that you believe, what it is you value and what your character will be. Stand strong in that foundation of discipline and self-control; and be determined to not let the world erode what you are within! When we do that, our self-worth, love and integrity help to keep us from being damaged by the world.    Signature02

Giving Yourself the Best Gift in Life!

03 Saturday Jan 2015

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Choices, Commitment, Discipline, God, Integrity, Life, Love, Self-Respect, Strength

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Confidence, Love, Self-Esteem

The best gift you can give yourself this new year is just a commitment to be the best you that you can be, regardless the resolutions or the dates on any calendar. For to be endearing to oneself is to live authentically, looking out for what is best and not sacrificing what lies within for anything external. What is best for our lives doesn’t reflect the hopes and dreams of anyone else in any other way but us. 389700_143684792428166_1758732618_n

Our life is a grand work of physical, emotional and behavioral artistry, created, designed and shaped ’til perfection by our handiwork. Our life is the collective workings of God’s mastery brought into being through us and every choice we’ve made since. And now that we’re responsible, it’s up to us to master the every day decisions, choices, parameters and emotions which help us to create the inner and outer being of our heart’s desire. When choosing all of that, don’t look at the current trends or try to reshape your life to resemble those of others. They didn’t start with your gifts or your talents or even looking like you! We are all gifted with lives uniquely and independently formed. Why would we seek to make ourselves anything other than us?! 59883870015945867_v4vbtfZ1_c

Our greatest aspiration each new day should be to live authentically in the way we are made to be; with our dreams the priorities which motivate our actions and our behaviors. Our inside growth is more important than anything we shape and do on the outside, for transforming from the inside out gives us the power to work with everything we have, everything that happens and every change which may come to influence us from within and on the outside. If we encounter something life-altering in our journey, we then have the strength, integrity and self-love first from within to not let it change us as we are. We must hold fast in personal integrity, which means staying true to who we are regardless what comes to pass, what happens in our lives or even what may alter our physical being! How does someone lose a part of themselves, say an arm or a leg, and not become someone else in the process? It’s because they are first aware of what lies within, loving that person inside and out! 

If we know we are masterpieces first created by God’s hand, then all of our choices from then on become about making our own lives the reflection of that thankfulness and honor we believe He deserves for that! Living your best life means standing up for what you believe, doing what you must to maintain your being inside and out, as well as loving oneself enough to know each choice and every step reflects all of that!    Signature02

Comparison, The Thief of Happiness . .

03 Wednesday Dec 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Character, Choices, Contentment, Lessons, Positivity, Success

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Comparison, Individuality, Self-Esteem

One person excels at singing, another exemplifies the idyllic beauty, another can paint a masterpiece on a blank canvas, someone else is able to teach young minds about a waiting world, and another can slice open a human body with precision and care. We’re all given differing abilities, talents, skills and interests as a specific set of gifts unique to us. When we start to assume that there is a way to measure equity between gifts or that our gifts should be equitable in comparison to those of others, we are already losing the intrinsic worth of those gifts!

Often times, human beings try so hard to make things fair because they’re caught up in a game of comparison. Comparing me to you and you to others and others to even more people can only find someone lacking and others in want. Life isn’t designed to seem the same for each of us or to bring us the same results; there is no equity or “fairness” to be had in life when we each start out in different places, with different assets and limitations, or with varying skill sets and gifts. There is simply no way to compare your apple to my orange. Our only similarity is in our humanness. Other than that, we are a mixed bag of individuality; belonging to various subsets! We should give up our desire to see equity for things and fairness in things which first haven’t any set value in the world; but are seen as personal traits, skills to be developed and unique talents in which we have ability.

imagescomparison1

Yes it would be lovely to sing like some great pop star, to have the ability to use my voice to make millions and to be famous. And yes, it might be wonderful to be a successful brain surgeon, so that I might help to heal the world with my talents. And surely it would be great to have the hair, skin, body or feature of another human being. Or it might be fabulous to be or do anything someone else has been able to do, with seeming ease! But I cannot follow in anyone else’s footsteps but step forward with my own! And so I owe it to myself to stop comparing myself to others in whom my similarities may be limited to female, human and perhaps a few other insignificant commonalities. imagescomparison3

Comparison is a terrible waste, for it leads us to believe we’re always lacking! And comparison is a thief, in that it reminds us that others seem to have more! And comparison is a killer of dreams, in that it teaches us we might not be as capable with our skill set as others have been! If only we could let go the need to compare our lives to those of others! If we focus on living for ourselves, the lives we are best meant to live, without the constant need to assess and measure the results of others in theirs. Perhaps we would all live happier, more contented lives sans comparison; with more self-respect, greater self-confidence and a genuine self-love. Signature02

Content With Myself . .

25 Saturday Oct 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Character, Choices, Commitment, Discipline, Ethics, God, Life, Self-Control, Self-Esteem, Self-Respect

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Contentment, Love, Self-Esteem

The older I get, the more I realize that lite isn’t about changing myself to suit others or to please others or to follow anyone else’s lead. Life is about growing, changing, learning, and becoming whomever it is I was meant to be and being accepting of that person through it all! That means I live in step with my values, my beliefs and in an such a way as to uphold daily my character. It doesn’t mean that I look for ease in everything, expect everyone’s approval or think I know it all by now. It means that I’m not content in anything or with anyone else unless I first am content with myself – able to discern my own self-worth and to love myself regardless the presence or absence of others and in spite of all circumstances, including my own flaws and imperfections! And that contentment with myself is paramount to a life spent people pleasing, agreeing with or assuring others instead.

01 Life Quote

It’s not selfish to do so, it’s self-preserving to live one’s own life for the sake of preserving one’s innermost core of values, beliefs and character; and most importantly, in preserving one’s own sense of self-worth, self-love and self-acceptance. Otherwise we might risk becoming yet another of the lost, seemingly-uncertain and unaware souls who don’t know their own value first and foremost because they’ve placed all measure and determination of that most critical appraisal in the tenuous hands of others or in the worth of things attained.

 

And don’t we see the obvious effects of those lost souls daily in our news broadcasts, in stories of such tragedies and loss? Those are the stories of people who aren’t able, at a time or in a moment to remember the value of their own lives, much less the lives of others. They’ve placed their own esteem in the hands of others, or lost it for themselves by not living in accord with their beliefs or values; or believed it was equitable to what they’ve accomplished or had achieved. Such sad stories when we know a person’s worth is priceless because it comes from God, were only all souls made known of that fact!   2608-character

 

Every person’s value is infinite! All of us face times of great consternation, pain and wearing-down of self; but those who live with awareness of their worth first through Him tend to persist through their life storms with more will and tenacity because they know unequivocally that critical  measure! They aren’t so-easily eroded by the influences of other humans or by the passing fancy of circumstance. Contentment starts by rooting in the firmament of God rather than in the shaky ground of mere humanity. 

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