Tag Archives: Confidence

Insecurity is Visible…

29 Sunday Oct 2017

Posted by in Attitude, Blessings, Character, Confidence, Contentment, Freedom, God, Maturity, Offense, Peace, Self-Control, Self-Esteem, Strength

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So many people these days are insecure, riddled with self-doubt, and unable to positively identify themselves by decisive means. They are lost, meandering through their lives looking for validation and for acceptance! It’s really sad to watch seemingly successful, established, attractive people flailing about looking for the approval or esteem from outside that should be naturally flourishing from within!

You probably have seen these people around you every day. They may have jobs, careers, families, friends, and present themselves as well-adjusted and successful at reaching their goals in life. But, in fact, they are struggling with insecurity. This insecurity stifles their creativity, befuddles their pursuit of goals, and hinders the real progress they could make in relationships as well as personal development. 

Insecurity is visible! It shows up as narcissism, jealousy, anger, envy, intolerance, excessive criticism, and in those who are always easily offended by others. Insecurity is when we don’t quite believe we’re worthy, or that we’re attractive, talented, capable, our opinions or beliefs are valid, or that we’re loveable. It is any sense of our lacking when we’re estimating the value of others in comparison! Are we as popular, pretty, slender, wealthy, successful, talented, smart, (or whatever measurement we’re using to compare and contrast our life with the lives of those around us)?!

We’re meant to get our value and worth from the knowledge and assurance that we’re beloved children of God! He’s our Creator, so He made us as we are with inherent human value and worth to achieve the purposes He has designed just for us! But many of us don’t believe in God’s dominion over our lives, and so we don’t know that our value is derived from knowing who we are through Him! We instead get our value from other places then, from other people, from the things we’ve collected and boasted of routinely, from the position we hold, from the level of our personal or professional achievements, from how attractive others think we are, from our ability to do certain things, or to hold particular positions. Without having that relationship with God, as Father, we are always going to live our life comparing and contrasting, competing and defeating, dwelling and then repelling all the subjectivity of flawed and irrational human thinking, our own and that of others! We spend a lot of energy and time dealing with insecurity as a result, which takes us from our life pursuits, the purposes God has in mind for us. And when we’re insecure, we spend a lot of time finding fault with others in an effort to raise our own self-perception! 

When we know that we matter, we’re loved, we’re loveable, and that we were created as we were meant to be by the Lord, we don’t need to feel insecure about our appearance, our thoughts, our beliefs, our talents, our bodies, or our level of achievement in any area of living! We can go into anything certain that He goes with us, He has prepared us or will for whatever we face, and that we needn’t doubt our ability or any other facet of our being. He leads us, He goes with us, He is our strength, and He is our guide. Now, it’s true that those who don’t believe won’t grasp this difference! That is obvious. But they also don’t see the nature of issues with insecurity rising in this nation as we push God further from our personal lives! Such rampant insecurity is a clear indication of lives lived without the sense of God’s value known for certainty within them! Even believers struggle at times with thoughts that can erode our confidence and our assurances! When you know you matter as you are though, then someone else’s wealth, acclaim, position, race, sexual identity, possessions, and beliefs won’t seem threatening at all! And our own struggles to achieve the success we think we should attain won’t become such an overwhelming weight upon our souls! Knowing God is our designer sets us free from the embattled sense of entitlement, jealousy, envy, narcissism, greed, self-doubt, self-obsession, constant self-promotion, and any other eroding measure! Struggling is part of life, but to wrangle with insecurity, lacking confidence in ourselves as God’s invaluable creation, is to struggle needlessly even more so!

A Fissure of Interference . .

06 Thursday Apr 2017

Posted by in Attitude, Choices, Confidence, Dreams, Maturity, Strength, Success

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Sometimes in life, we’re waiting for the approval or acceptance of others just to proceed. We give others a lot of weight in our lives via that choice to garner another’s approval and acceptance before we act or speak! By waiting on that opinion of another, we often water down our own talent, point of view, or performance accordingly. We become addicted to the verification which another person’s positive feedback, approval, and acceptance of our actions, words, thoughts, or beliefs provide. We often need that before we do what we think we should, what we’re compelled to do! Instinctively, we often know what we should do. We have talents, skills, dreams and ambitions which motivate our actions. But when we filter those internal drives through the perspective, experience, intellect and understanding of others, we create a fissure of interference for our own success!  We don’t need others to tell us we’re able, we’re good enough, we’re talented, or that we’re going to succeed at something! What we really need more than an opinion, a nod of approval or an avowed acceptance from another, is our own confident assurance in what we’re doing, saying, thinking, and believing! When we care too much what others think regarding our lives, we give away our own power to act and we become increasingly more insecure about ourselves!  

 

Wanting approval or being tied to getting acceptance from others is alright if we aren’t relying upon it. If it’s the icing on our cake of already believing in ourselves and feeling secure in our thoughts, actions, speech and behavior, then it’s more than okay! Especially if it comes in the form of compliments and affirmations of our successes! But if getting approval is our usual way of knowing we can proceed or that we should do something, then it’s just a reflection of our insecurity. We need to know how to do, to say, to be, to think, and to feel independent of others injecting their opinions, beliefs, and dreams into the mix! We are unique individuals, which makes it impossible for others to successfully step into our shoes, to know what is best for us in any regard. It is up to us to make the choices, to step forward into the unknown, that each new day represents, with confidence and self-assurance. We must accept the reality that we’ll win some and we’ll lose some, that we’ll be successful and that we’ll fail, as well as that we’re responsible for the way our lives turn out! When we’re children, others step in to make the decisions which we cannot, but when we reach adulthood, it’s up to us to securely accept the role of the manager of our own lives. 

Insecurity is the inner voice which screams, “I’m not ready!” or “Not yet!” or “Should I?”. Insecurity is what blocks us when we endeavor to pursue our dreams. It is the inner force which gives others more credibility when estimating our abilities or our success. It’s the inability to act unless or until others give us their permission or confirm our preparedness or state of readiness. What a terrible way to live, needing others to give us what we should be able to garner from within! If only we would believe in ourselves and give to ourselves the same level of credibility we seem to easily give to others!    

Learning to rely upon our own instincts, to accept responsibility for our own successes and failures, as well as being eager about the personal growth we’ll experience when we do is key. It’s often seemingly easier to give others the burden of our choices in life, as perhaps it will take the onus of accountability from our own shoulders if we do! But in letting others lead us in our own lives, we also miss all the opportunities we have for character development and for reaping the personal rewards of creating success! Step in eagerly as manager of your own life, in doing so, you will have to accept many things which aren’t perfect, all the failings which result from your own choices, and the burden of regret when things don’t go as you hope. But you also get the successes! You’ll get the esteem-building, confidence-affirming realization that you met the challenge, reached new heights, took a daring step, achieved a dream, and grew more in the process!   

Giving Yourself the Best Gift in Life!

03 Saturday Jan 2015

Posted by in Choices, Commitment, Discipline, God, Integrity, Life, Love, Self-Respect, Strength

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The best gift you can give yourself this new year is just a commitment to be the best you that you can be, regardless the resolutions or the dates on any calendar. For to be endearing to oneself is to live authentically, looking out for what is best and not sacrificing what lies within for anything external. What is best for our lives doesn’t reflect the hopes and dreams of anyone else in any other way but us. 389700_143684792428166_1758732618_n

Our life is a grand work of physical, emotional and behavioral artistry, created, designed and shaped ’til perfection by our handiwork. Our life is the collective workings of God’s mastery brought into being through us and every choice we’ve made since. And now that we’re responsible, it’s up to us to master the every day decisions, choices, parameters and emotions which help us to create the inner and outer being of our heart’s desire. When choosing all of that, don’t look at the current trends or try to reshape your life to resemble those of others. They didn’t start with your gifts or your talents or even looking like you! We are all gifted with lives uniquely and independently formed. Why would we seek to make ourselves anything other than us?! 59883870015945867_v4vbtfZ1_c

Our greatest aspiration each new day should be to live authentically in the way we are made to be; with our dreams the priorities which motivate our actions and our behaviors. Our inside growth is more important than anything we shape and do on the outside, for transforming from the inside out gives us the power to work with everything we have, everything that happens and every change which may come to influence us from within and on the outside. If we encounter something life-altering in our journey, we then have the strength, integrity and self-love first from within to not let it change us as we are. We must hold fast in personal integrity, which means staying true to who we are regardless what comes to pass, what happens in our lives or even what may alter our physical being! How does someone lose a part of themselves, say an arm or a leg, and not become someone else in the process? It’s because they are first aware of what lies within, loving that person inside and out! 

If we know we are masterpieces first created by God’s hand, then all of our choices from then on become about making our own lives the reflection of that thankfulness and honor we believe He deserves for that! Living your best life means standing up for what you believe, doing what you must to maintain your being inside and out, as well as loving oneself enough to know each choice and every step reflects all of that!    Signature02

What Others Think . .

13 Monday Oct 2014

Posted by in Attitude, Character, Choices, Confidence, God, Gratitude, Happiness, Humility, Love, Peace, Self-Esteem, Self-Respect

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Often we think it matters more what others think of us, if we’re acceptable or alright in their eyes. But we mustn’t forget that what matters most in this world is how we appraise ourselves and who we are in God’s eyes. Others will have their opinions, fleeting, and based on their own limited knowledge and awareness. Perhaps they never fully know the inner workings of our hearts, minds and spirits. So basing our own self-appraisal on limited thought and consideration provides us with a limited or faulty appraisal. But God knows us through and through. We cannot hide who we are from Him! We cannot hide who we are from ourselves. It is all self-evident in our choices, in our family-lives, in our pursuits, in our hobbies, in our friendships and in our priorities. Spending time on developing the inner soul and sanctum means more in this life than any measure of outer approval rendered by any other means. We simply cannot ever be “enough” measured by anything external to us when such an appraisal is needed for just our ego’s sake. 15352_20130502_091007_Pali

 

We should always endeavor to be self-propelled and self-managed, rather than relying upon the conditional approval of others. When we cede our ego’s appraisal to any outside source, we lose pieces and parts, clarity and awareness, from our identity within. I’ve witnessed so many people nearly destroyed by not getting the favorable opinions or praise from others that should have been established from within them – by knowing who they are, by believing in and respecting themselves, by establishing themselves in the known love of God. 64181_290813230990390_109759299095785_738958_1742442314_n

 

Human appraisal is not sustaining and is need-based; but self-acceptance formed through His love and promises is! Self-acceptance, self-respect and self-love fully-formed out of knowing who we are and from where we rightfully come is undeniable, firm and indelible. It’s nice to have others affirm qualities about us or compliment us on various aspects of our lives or person; but what is even nicer is having genuine self-acceptance of all that God has created us to be, with our foothold in self-confidence, self-love and self-respect regardless the opinions of others!

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RIGHT NOW . . .

05 Wednesday Sep 2012

Posted by in God

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RIGHT NOW . . .

Right now in my life, I’m like an unfinished masterpiece.  I was reminded today when looking at the infant niece of a friend, who is ill and facing heart surgery, that life’s brevity is enough inspiration to constantly let yourself be shaped and formed!  I whine too much.  I moan and complain over such silly things.  I know nothing of pain, nor enduring it, in comparison to that of a tiny little 2-month old baby fighting for hers!

When God gives you challenges, it should automatically make you rise up and put your suit of armor on.  There shouldn’t be any question about whether you are able, or even whether you have enough artillery to fight.  Who cares!  If you have a challenge, you are equipped, as you were made to make it through.  We are not a sum of failed parts, but rather the realization of creation born of divine perfection.  Even in our imperfection, our purposeful lives make us meaningful and anything but failures!  So why is it, that when we reach a rough patch in our roads, we start to cower, not sure we are able to drive further?  Shouldn’t we just proceed, knowing that we are God’s most armed fortresses, with the Holy Spirit dwelling inside, filled with all the inherent strength, bravery and knowledge we will need.  We might not actually have the physical prowess, the actual bravado, nor the skills to know how to do something, but we have the best warrior we could ever hope to have, we have God in our corner!

So the very next time you encounter something, anything, even almost nothing, which challenges your ability to know what to do, or how to react, or which way to proceed, I challenge you to do what I have learned to do . . . ask God to help you!  It’s so simple.  In every aspect of life, I keep my inner ear open to God’s consult for direction.  I don’t consider anything to small nor too simple to call upon God for help.  If you get in the habit of constantly making contact with God about life, as you are living, you will soon learn that He wants to be a part of everything you are, all that you do, and the totality of what you aspire to be!

Let go and let God is a saying not because it’s catchy!  It’s a saying because others like you and I thought that somewhere along the journey we needed God.  So we made a habit of asking Him to help us with even the most mundane, as even in our comings and our goings, we can be assured, God is interested in our reliance upon Him.  He actually desires it.  He wants us to trust in HIm and to grow dependent upon Him.  It isn’t being needy nor is it being strange, it is the way your Father wants things.  So when you find yourself in need, give your cares to God.  Even in ordinary daily stuff, give it to God and ask Him to make the most and best of everything you do and say today!  Each day you rely on Him will be remarkably notable for its distinguishable calm, simple flow, and naturalness.  In other words, relying on God allows you to live life according to His will and therefore to be in His care!  You will probably notice a big difference when you give up control and let Him take over.  Life is simple, trust in God to lead you in your journey, if you make a mistake along the way, you will find Him willing to help you make the mistake into something beneficial for you!  God wants to bless you and love you if you’ll give Him the chance!!   Ask God to be your coach, your captain, your commander and your chief, let Him arm you for any battle, and trust that He will see you through anything, since He knows what you are going  through!  Have faith, don’t give up the fight!

FEED YOUR SOUL

05 Wednesday Sep 2012

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FEED YOUR SOUL

Feed your soul with what you require for this life, starving it of anything you truly need for its preservation can lead to its slow demise.  The soul, just like the physical body, requires certain essential nutrients.  Those for most are:  love, companionship, joy, laughter, spirituality, close relationships born of confidence, and peace of mind.   Some may find they can exist easily without any or all of those, but rarely with a contented soul.  The being which dwells within, your spirit, starts to erode.  Feeding your soul, also means feeding your body, your mind, your heart, and your spirit.  When something is lacking from your inner set of needs, you will begin to feel an ache, a longing, a perpetuation of intolerance building within the cellular walls surrounding your most vital organs.  From there, the disease of the ultimate death of the soul which dwells within you, the wonderous and beautiful creation living on the inside of you, can and does eventually set in.

For me, when something is aching inside, it means it has gone unnourished or untended to.  It is not implausible to garner that for a reason of neglect, disturbance in patterns, inability to reach the “dream” or any other of a number of reasons, we cannot achieve what our souls demand for their very prosperity to thrive.  An example of this is richly quoted on the social media forum, Facebook.  It is often bandied as a profile post:  don’t give all of yourself to someone who sees fit to give you in return only crumbs!  Meaning, if you are more for someone than they can be in return, then the imbalance might cause your inner self to feel a sense of longing, of need, of less instead of enough.  It’s only up to you what you will tolerate in life, but I do know that settling for less than you deserve or than you truly want, will feel like you are starving your body!  Give it what it desires, without harming it with excess.  You must be aware of the internal desire your soul has to not in fact be selfish, but instead, to be the ultimate protector of self.  If you are out of bounds, off track, not in right step, starving the innermost sanctums of your being, you will feel discomfort, sometimes even to the point of a physical sense of pain for that lack!  Learn to listen instinctively to those things happening within your soul, they are in direct link with your spirit and body, if not in right step, you will soon pay in health, happiness, and hope lost!

How can you feed your soul?  It is so easy.  What makes you feel good?  What things do you enjoy that no one can take?  Maybe you love music and deny yourself that extra 1/2 hour of listening time in the car while driving to return phone calls instead.  My thought on that is this, driving and talking is hazardous, it slows down your reaction time, so keep the phone calls until you are stopped and listen to the music instead.  Even if you are a business person, you should just pull over, take the call and then commence in your driving again when you’ve finished.  I bet you learn how to more efficiently handle your cell-phone calls this way!

Put people who mean the most at the top of your life!  You aren’t going to keep them in your life for long if you let them feel diminished or take them for granted.  Life is precious, quit thinking there are tomorrows enough to make up for all the time the excuses used up today!  If you are making excuses for not doing something consistently, chances are you just didn’t want to do it anyway!  It’s a reality.   With the people we love, we must tend to the relationship every day, as though it were a garden and that without our care, something each day would wither and die.  Eventually, enough parts will have perished, that upon your unexpected return, you will find the garden has in fact completely gone, nothing is left.  Now I believe real love doesn’t die, but in that moment of such repetitive disregard, it has learned to shut itself off with all the negative things . . . like when weeds ultimately choke out the living, thriving plants in a garden.  They didn’t die, they were overtaken by something else and replaced!  If you love and value someone, you want to put them high up on your list of priorities, that relationship is something you don’t wish to forget to take care of each and every day!  

In feeding your soul, you can feed the world!  The souls and bodies, spirits and minds of this world are linked, and therefore, when we feed and nourish that which lives in us, we help to nurture the world.  No life is distinguishable from another, it is connected through humanity, and of course, the sum total experience of that humanity.  Live life with your soul nourished, and you shall give yourself back to the world, healthier, happier, and filled with hope! 

What's Ahead?!

04 Tuesday Sep 2012

Posted by in Dreams

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What’s Ahead?!

There are always turning points in our lives, the places we come to along the journey when we have to veer, make an amended plan or alter our course because we’ve run out of usable road! It’s inevitable! We simply must correct as we go. The difficulty arises when we stalwartly cling to our familiar places, our constant patterns, the things to which we are most familiar. It’s not easy to adapt when we are hanging on for dear life to what we don’t want to release!  What is it about those turning points that makes us so afraid? Is it the fact that we are in fact changing something, even though we might not be happy with the status quo, that makes us face a different or altered direction? It’s just that, we are usually uncomfortable with too much change, as change means doing or being something different.

In change, we see the unknown, the uncertain, and the possibility for all sorts of problems. At least that’s how we see it when we look at change through eyes of fear or doubt. When we view change as an inevitable and necessary means of growth, personal development and advancing our spiritual maturity, it can become the vehicle for our success!  Turning points are like the curves in the mountain roadway, the only way to the summit is by making the criss-crossing switchback turns which will allow you to manipulate your way to the top! So, without regular turns, your life would soon grow stagnant and ineffectual for your necessary growth! You need those switchbacks to push you out of your comfortable places, forcing you to learn the fine art of adaptation, the ways to patiently deal with variation, and the feeling of accomplishment which comes from slowly winding your way up all the great mountains of your life, one turn after another!

Master the art of change, the skill of flexible adaptation, and you will successfully ascend to all the summits of your success!   The master of turning points will recognize the beauty in the changes which make their life different. Seize the day, take the moment in hand and believe that you have what it takes to make the change work on your behalf! Your ability to alter each step of your journey, whilst negotiating all the hazards of the unknown, will leave you feeling strong and capable, instead of fearful and impotent. You can even capitalize on your faith the most within change! It is when you are most beset with the fear of something new, that you are able to muster your strongest response, overcoming, excelling pushing past to the next obstacle in your path. It’s inevitable, when we are the most under pressure, the most fearful and the worries want to stranglehold our dreams, that we are able to rise up like warriors, certain of our faith and able to wage war against anything which threatens our peace!    Accept change as the benevolent teacher of great life lessons! That is truly what it is . . and as much as you might not like the sensations you experience with each change, mastering them with confidence can and will make you wear the medal of honor, having faced fear and won!