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Category Archives: Character

Autonomous and Free . .

30 Saturday Aug 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Character, Choices, Commitment, Confidence, Happiness, Lessons

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Freedom

There’s a propensity these days towards making people less free by correcting and asking others to change for us in lieu of correcting and character 5changing self. We mustn’t lose sight of our own fallibility; we must not hold ourselves less accountable for the state of things by judging others by their actions while judging ourselves on our intent. We should give to others the respect of making their own choices based on their individual autonomy, as we desire for ourselves. We’re too often lashing out at others for the way they’ve chosen to live their lives all while neglecting to notice that we’re imperfect creatures living ours!
Do we honestly believe we know best for others? Or have we forgotten that often we don’t even know what is best for ourselves?? The first thing we should do when things aren’t going our way in life is examine our handiwork, our choices, our role and our place in this life. Only after we’ve exhausted ourselves in self-development, self-critique, self-improvement and self-responsibility for our own choices should we decide it time to examine others. Only then. Unless someone is openly intent upon harming us, we should accept their right to live autonomous as well. That is the surest sign of maturity, self-control and self-confidence . .when you can first turn to self for all manner of appraisal, but also for all manner of personal and responsible correction; without impugning that same right to others.
aa_live_and_let_live-50What gives us the right to say we’ve mastered self enough to start correcting others? It’s not our right to decide what is most right for the lives of others, it is theirs. Even if we deem them as mistaken in their personal choices, we haven’t a right to attempt to silence them, nullify them or convey upon them our will instead. It is only when they are willfully harming others that we have a responsibility to step in . . otherwise, we must convey to them the same individual autonomy as we ask for ourselves.  Individuals will never fully agree to every single thing or agree on every manner of choice because they are inherently “individuals” . . unique, different, with varied morals, preferences, histories and beliefs. If it’s not harming us directly or if it’s overtly illegal or criminal, we should live with an attitude of live and let live; which is usually the level of respect we would ask for ourselves in return. Arrogant bullying and controlling others is just that – it’s not individual freedom!    
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Freedom To Be Me!

29 Friday Aug 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Character, Choices, Commitment, Confidence, Happiness, Lessons, Life

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imagesHY0IP88YOh!! The freedom to be me. At this age, I’m learning to care less about being right, about not failing or making any mistakes, about being accepted by others or seeking their approval. It is a sense of freedom to give yourself permission to be human but to also want to give it to others. It takes effort and purposeful practice, as it doesn’t come naturally. We humans have egos which dictate a whole manner of acceptable and …permissible ranges for not only ourselves but for those with whom we share a space in this world.
It seems to me when we become more critical, self-righteous and over-bearing, that we lose our inherent sense of being human and therefore being humane in turn towards and with others! Insecurity screams about self and against others; confidence stands quietly and assuredly in the awareness and belief that we’re enough, they’re enough and we’re all just humans in God’s greater realm anyway!
At this age, I’m learning to put aside those things which just don’t serve me any longer . . ego especially. I just want to please God and honor Him. I want to love unconditionally that which He created in me and also that which He created in all others around me! Ego (Edging God Out)  stokes all the fires which may seem to keep me warm, but in fact, it ends up destroying entire swaths of my life with either a slow-burn or a raging storm. Let me be gentle, humble, kind, patient, faithful, peaceful, joyful, self-controlled and mostly, let me be love for His honor!
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Confidence From the Creator

02 Saturday Aug 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Character, Choices, Confidence, Fullness, God, Humility, Lessons

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CatLion-50When you’re confident and have developed your self-worth from within, based not on anything external such as looks, current position, what others tell you, what society tells you, what clothing you wear or by other material or external measures – you can walk through this world with humility, but also with an insulation that others are lacking. Confidence is the awareness and assurance that you’re just fine as is, you don’t need validation, approval or acceptance of who or what you are by way of anyone or anything external! And it’s the most attractive quality you emit each new day, because it confirms to the world outside of you that you are absolutely fine with and comfortable as you are. And if you love and accept yourself, why wouldn’t they too love and accept you? And if they don’t, so be it! Self-confidence prevails when accepting responsibility for ourselves, and for all we do well or in all which we err; and by realizing others don’t define us. Beware the trap we humans often make of placing the burden for our self-appraisal in the hands of others or at the feet of other means of measure. It doesn’t work that way!
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When you know from where and from Whom you come, how can you think any less of yourself?
Psalm 139:13-14 . .
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
Psalm 27:3 . .
Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident
.
Hebrews 10:35-39 . .
35 Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. 36 For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. 37 For,
“Yet a little while,
and the coming one will come and will not delay;
38 but my righteous one shall live by faith,
and if he shrinks back,
my soul has no pleasure in him.”
39 But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.
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Counter-Culture Becomes the Norm . .

01 Friday Aug 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Character, Choices, Ethics, Family, God, Integrity, Life

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beatnikpartySomehow a few years ago, being seen as counter-culture became the equivalent of being cool, hip or just desirable. So many of our society’s malcontents and some actual convicted criminals were all of a sudden thrust into the spotlight of applause and hero-status, when in fact they’re just malcontents and criminals. Many now have celebrity status in our culture, or at least hold honorable positions as instructors to our children, professors to our emerging citizenry, esteemed office-holders within our cities and nation . .  even though they once were just ignoble – and often convicted criminals – bombers, murderers or thieves. It is one thing to see the truly oppressed rise up, conquering their oppressors heroically; it’s entirely something else to take an ignoble and deceitful history, turning it into something it is not. And that is what has happened in our nation in many instances.

We’ve seen the rise of the counter-culture, revolutionary in not the best regards; grow up and become the educators, politicians and revered in our nation. Change is not always negative, and that is not why I’m trying to confer. And people who once were one thing can and do grow up and become better.  But this change which has Rebels-With-a-Cause-8brought to a lauded staged, those who felt so strongly in their own immoral beliefs so as to kill, mutilate, bomb and destroy through deceitful pursuits other innocent people is negative! How sad! I wish we as a society recognized the attributes of those who were just normal and boring for their virtue, character and belief in justice, civility and conventional perspectives. But we relegate them to the new criminal status of our culture by vilifying that in which we should be giving praise and thanks! Suddenly, those with conservative or moral beliefs are the culprits for all of our societal wrongs. All too often those who act in accord with their civil and sworn duty are painted as terrorists. And now even, the very structure of our national fabric, faith, family and stability is cursed and loathed rather than just given its space to “co-exist”. Hmm. I’d say those counter-culture criminals and malcontents are truly smart, for they managed by virtue of their celebrity status and positions of honor to change a nation’s view of itself, based Truthon nothing more than a series of endeavors to undermine what held it together in the first place. We’ve flipped our perspective as a nation, a culture and as people . . what was counter now seems cool and what is conventional is now portrayed as evil. So now, without the very glue which once held us together, we slowly and steadily erode. I am now, and will always remain, firmly and perhaps boringly affixed to my conventional belief in God and follow His rules for my life. I’m of the belief that humans might not have it all figured out in their own best interests, and my nation these days is proof . . usually humans, when left to their own ego-centered pursuits, just do whatever they want without any fear of repercussion. And so chaos and mayhem ensue.

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Your Life's Real Purpose . .

30 Wednesday Jul 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Character, Choices, God, Gratitude, Lessons, Life, Love, Wisdom

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purpose-1-6-25People are forever wondering their purpose in life . . but don’t you know by now?!! It’s not some big mystery. Yes, you might accomplish something marvelous and new; or change history, but your purpose is to give away as much of what lives within you as you possibly can . . in the way of love . . hope, compassion, concern besides. Give your heart away, you can never give so much of it that you’ll be left without any for yourself.
For those who assume this is about money, or some service. It might be as an indirect result. But without love attached, and without love as the just cause and motivation – nothing you do, are or give means much anyway! Love is the blessing, love is the reward, love is what you give, what you take, what you ponder and what you make! Your intention in living should be to create a heart so unselfish for its outpourings, that it is known throughout the world as such. That is your purpose.
Go ahead and create what you will, make what you might, form anything by hand or lead us to greatness. But first, consider love. And by love and for love’s sake, everything you do shall be known and all you experience shall be cast. It’s impossible to drench yourself in the waters of love and not quench your thirst, bring relief to your soul and fill your spirit with its Source. Look at the world thirsting, dry and anguished . . even with all it’s inventions, all it’s wealth and all it’s busy people doing great things. Our concern for a legacy should be about what we leave for the world, from our hearts making!
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John 13:34-35 . .
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

1 Peter 4:8 . .
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

Romans 13:8-10 . .
Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.

1 John 4:7 . .
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

1 Corinthians 13 . . The Way of Love
If I speak in images0RQ74MV1the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Finding Offense . . The New Battle Raging

29 Tuesday Jul 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Attitude, Change, Character, Choices, Humility, Offense

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Finding Offense! Hinckley_quote_600Don’t you see that when you ask someone to be silent because you don’t like what they have to say, or you want to change how others do business because it’s not how you would run that kind of business, or you want to make others conform to your point of view because you believe you’re so right about something, that you’re really asking them to be like you in some way or totally? Isn’t that virtually impossible in many ways? If I’m not mistaken, aren’t we all individual, unique and different? What we’re seeing more often in this world is a backlash of egos, driven by arrogant disdain, contempt, fear, insecurity or intolerance for what is deemed to be utterly unacceptable, a difference in belief or opinion; a variation in choice and in behavior; unique and varied points of view, speech and thought. And frankly, this backlash against individuality and freedom of expression is not acceptable if we wish to continue existing together freely on this one rotating sphere!

 

If we find that we are often part of the group of the offended, upset at not getting our way – what we’re really admitting  is our own insecurity, fear, intolerance and lack of humility for others with regard to their differing perspectives, values, beliefs, opinions, speech, thoughts, talents, and any other aspect unique to them! Being offended to the point of asking others to change or demanding it, especially when their actions are not harming us directly or intentionally, is an admission by our own fragile egos that we’re more right, we’re more entitled or we’re crushed that we didn’t get our way! It’s an admission that we might be threatened by what another person represents, especially when we unite in packs to shame others into silence or into changing who they are or what they believe. To that very matter, who made us judge over all the world and who decides who is more right? Are we really going to litigate all belief, values, thoughts, actions and behaviors to the point that we nullify all of our collective individual freedoms?

 

We have more than enough laws on the books already concerning human behavior and actions which we collectively unite in deeming intolerable. Do we need more, or perhaps just more self-control? Should we outlaw all forms of expression, music, books, art, hunting, fishing, farming, sports, hobbies of any kind, movies, television, religious and faith-based practices, owning businesses, having children and everything else that fills
pandoras-boxus culturally, defines us morally and enables us to shape us as individuals because we might find someone else’s practice therein objectionable? That’s what could happen over time because we’ve opened this Pandora’s box of intolerance and offense! Where do we draw the line upon this crusade of “rightness” born out of insecurity, fear or the need to be vindicated? 

 

If someone is living their life according to their own beliefs and values, without breaking the laws and causing harm intentionally, then shouldn’t we endeavor to let them live as we ask to be permitted to live? This immense battle of the enraged and offended egos, which is growing, developing and spreading worldwide – when it comes right down to it – is really nothing more than adult bullying! It’s diverse groups of insecure, fearful, intolerant bullies trying to suppress, silence or even oppress others into conforming to them; attempting to alter all of life around them to make it more acceptable and suitable to just themselves because they cannot or will not control their own emotions when things don’t go as they would like them to go!

 

The end result is the willful suppression of all forms of individual expression, as there will always be offended people willing to claim something as such! If we’re going to demand our children stop bullying, we should first stop showing them how readily we adults do it as a response when we don’t get our way! Part of living in the world amongst one another is first learning to accept one another as is. To ask another to change for you is to admit you are flawed, not them.

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Its A Chance For Discovery…

29 Saturday Mar 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Character, Choices, Ethics, Faith, Fullness, Gentleness, Happiness, Inspiration, Integrity, Joy, Kindness, Life, Love, Wisdom

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Remember today as you go out into the world of discovery, that some souls might be fragile, heartbroken, saddened in grief, feeling fear or suffering in some other way. Inside, they may be impacted by events in which we haven’t any knowledge or awareness, nor for which we see any obvious signs externally. We might not know exactly what others are enduring, but we can be compassionate in our journey, kind in our steps thus giving others respect, patience, our love & our best first so that if they’re suffering in some way, we seem to them to be safe waters in their already stormy lives.

I remember the days right after my father died unexpectedly so many years ago . . I was feeling so vulnerable and broken that I felt I was operating at a different speed than the rest of the world, into which I had to venture out routinely, especially since it was fairly close to Christmas. But when I encountered – amidst the busy-ness and frenetic pace – kind people with loving hearts and gentle smiles, I felt somehow safer and less fragile.Being kind, compassionate, gentle, patient and loving isn’t always easy and sometimes seems in opposition to the events of our day and perhaps even our moods as a result, but we truly never know what others are enduring! We should endeavor to give the world our best for one day it might be us who needs theirs in return.                                                                         kindpeoplearebest

We should endeavor to give the world our best for one day it might be us who needs theirs in return. And we should try to see and to believe the best of others because we don’t know their full story. What might seem standoffish to us, may be someone trying to hold themselves together for the sake of not breaking down!s fragile. Being kind, compassionate, gentle, patient and loving isn’t always easy and sometimes seems in opposition to the events of our day and perhaps even our moods as a result, but we truly never know what others are enduring!

fruit-of-the-spirit_25These are the fruits of our spirit from Galatians 5:22-23, nine things in which we already are amply endowed, may we practice them today and everyday when we meet one another as strangers or even as friends: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

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Positivity – Miss Goody Two Shoes!!!

21 Friday Mar 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Change, Character, Faith, Fullness, Gentleness, Happiness, Life, Love, Peace, Romance

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Goody-GoodyPositivity!! Maybe I try too hard, maybe I want to see things through rose-colored lenses too much or too often, perhaps I am too hopeful a romantic – stopping to smell almost every rose and listen to every bird’s song. I am all those things, wanting not to change to fit for negativity’s sake nor for the hope of fitting in with those who snipe, constantly complain or bitterly engage with others.

I’m the product of a lifelong struggle to not be beaten down by life, so why should I let it do that now? Life is a once-around kind of thing, there’s no do-overs once it’s done. There are infinite do-overs during life, but in this one lifetime I don’t want to choose to live in a pessimism of spirit and soul.

How is it that we have so much in us and near us all of our lives, and yet we grow to faithfully believe in so little, especially ourselves or our own dreams? Perhaps someone would argue that being a realist precludes dreaming, that dreaming is the act of a person deluded and out of touch with reality. I guess that could be said, especially by those who’ve given up their dreams or on life itself.

It’s not enough, however, to change my heart or my mind. I’m going to stay focused on trying hard with faith; viewing life with a grateful heart because I see, feel and know blessings for which I haven’t any explanation! I’m not going to stand in anyone else’s footprints of pessimism   because for me, there is simply too much abundance all around me and too many miracles evident to give up on dreaming.

Call me a fool, I don’t care. I’m here every day hoping with faith, believing in earnest, loving without end & endeavoring to make things even more as I see them – positive, hopeful, worthy of all my efforts. If this makes me a goody-two-shoed, rose-colored-glasses-wearing, beacon of faith & hope, then so be it! That’s what I want to be!

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Growing Pains . .

28 Tuesday Jan 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Change, Character, Confidence, Faith, Growing, Life, Opportunity, Second chances, Success

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Forgetting-50Don’t you feel growing pains when something gets wasted? Like when you buy a container of berries but forget to enjoy them before the mold sets in. Or if you lose that lottery ticket you bought, always wondering what might have been or maybe, and  more importantly, you hurt someone – losing their friendship which you valued highly. And all the waste beyond, lives, lost jobs, major losses which hurt beyond measure, we don’t even like to consider those. There is so much waste in the world, the possibility for regret is astronomical. But consider them all as growing pains….
The worst waste of all each & every day is that of our infinite potential as humans . . we linger it away or don’t accept it as ours to begin with by doubting our own uniqueness, our own ability & our own potential. We waste it, unaware of the chance we had to make a difference, to change a heart, to improve our journey or to grow vastly beyond where we now are. They are all growing pains…
We have talents, gifts, desires & hopes, all firmly dwelling within us, but we often become so disengaged from living with developing those as our goals, focusing instead on the past, or some hurtful event, or the pain of living each day . . we grow fatigued in the very process of growing & let the driving force of life become secondary to idling in the traffic of nothingness. Think of them as growing pains…
We often tell ourselves that in growth lies too much potential for pain, so we stop where we are, we give up on pushing ourselves a wee bit harder, we let our fears or our doubts take from us our forward drive! I urge you to focus on every opportunity you get today to call forth your own uniqueness, your own talents, your own passions & your own hopeful dreams! Don’t live in the impossibility of a void, but remember the possibility of all life around you! Don’t let the risk of what might happen on the way to what might be stop you from discovering the glory of all that you’ve yet imagined! Accept that with living comes growth, growing pains & change . . accept that as life, for with it all comes our ability to become the very best of ourselves!
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Deep-Water Living . .

23 Thursday Jan 2014

Posted by Cheryl Ries in Character, Choices, Commitment, Confidence, Courage, Growing, Inspiration, Lessons, Life

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Deep-Water Living

Deep-Water Living

So many people choose to live their lives in the shallow waters, never venturing out deeper where  faith, hope,love, commitment, courage, growth, challenge & everything that pushes a human to live as more are found. Going further & deeper helps us to grow up.  But it’s as if some feel more comfortable without the weight of too much emotion, the increasing burdens often fraught in real human entanglements & the messiness of growing up. They want to have fun, to enjoy life, to focus all their energy on whatever it is that brings them money, fame, power, joy or some other outer-body measure sans the hassle of going deeper & further. So they choose to make a life without any challenge to their spirit or soul. They learn to live so singularly for themselves that they don’t even see those choices, that reticent need to stay comfortably where they are & to not grow up, as narcissistic, selfish & self-involved. If we don’t allow ourselves to claim responsibility for our own messes, to feel for others compassionately, to entangle ourselves in the messes of life & to grow up through the challenges we have opportunity to take on, we never become much of anything in the world but an aging shell of a human being. As the noted poet Maya Angelou has said: “Most people don’t grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging.” Human beings are called upon to develop, not just physically, but also to mature emotionally & spiritually. What a shame to be so one-dimensional that we might focus all our energy on just staying happily in the shallow waters, never venturing out to where the real challenges of life might take us nor appreciating that great strength when we do find it in ourselves or when we see it in others! Taking the easy way isn’t necessarily taking the best way. And often times, staying where we’re comfortable means we miss more of what we could never even imagine in the way of true joy, inner peace & burgeoning self-esteem!

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