LEARNING AS WE GO

I wish I knew then what I know now.  I didn’t, and so, I made mistakes, I lived my life with a flawed sense of reality, sometimes quite selfishly focusing on all the wrong things, the things which don’t really matter when it comes right down to it.  But you know, I suppose that is what separates me from sainthood, I didn’t know, I wasn’t perfect, and all I could do was the best I knew to do when I knew to do it!  Lighten up . . . we are imperfect creatures, designed with flaws, made in flesh with all too human characteristics.  We hurt, we bleed, we covet, we need.  But we can strive to be better each new day, to do better each new year of this life.  I am not where I want to be yet, but I’m headed in the right direction, facing my demons, conquering my enemy fears, and looking for my dreams!
When we make mistakes, do we know that we have two choices?  We can forgive ourselves, as easily as we would probably forgive our friends or family theirs, or we can harbor the harm as though it has ownership on some part of us.  It is often the case that we mold ourselves around our upsets, shape our lives to fit our troubles and create new forms out of the dented clay we have battered in just being humans.  Is that fair?  Does anyone deserve an onus of responsibility which requires perfection?  I have set such lofty standards, that I almost made it impossible at times to exist in this world with my portfolio of follies, those things which I would label the collective mistakes which altered my life significantly.  No, in terms of the world’s turning, they are not earth-shaking, but for my life, perhaps I would have had an entirely different life had I not made these mistakes or lived with these choices.  Can we go back and change the past to ease our burden of guilt?  No  . . . we are left to process, to forgive ourselves our failings and to proceed.  Failing at something doesn’t make us failures as human beings.  It is not the case.  If I cannot come to terms with that significant difference in defining my life, then I cannot move onward to the future with peace of mind.  And I must!  That is what I must do.  I must move forward, so I must forgive myself for being human.  If God can and does forgive me, why can’t I forgive myself?  I must!!

Learn to be all too human, it is what God made you to be.  You are not the exception to the rule, but just another one of us, doing your best each new day!  Let go, trust in God, and try to do better and be better each morning.  But, remember as you live your life, you will make mistakes, you will fail along the journey, you will suffer disappointments and you will let people down.  That doesn’t make you a failure, nor does it destroy your life.  You must forgive yourself, just as you would ask God or others to forgive you, let yourself find a kind and loving heart waiting there within to give nurturing back to yourself!  It’s the requisite condition of our very human design.