Getting Close

When I lost my dad, it was the worst thing yet to happen in my life. I went through months of grieving, anger being the strongest emotional reaction to the feeling of loss I had. I spent many hours dealing with healing, and in that time, I had to learn again why I believed what I believed, as for a while, I couldn’t believe in anything!    The hardest period of my life was living without believing, feeling so much pain and anger with God for taking my dad away, that I had trouble releasing that anger just to allow myself time to move through the stages of grief. I was changed in that time, into someone who doubted things, but through that doubt, I learned the most important thing I have ever learned, that I do believe in God, I know Christ died for my forgiveness, giving me eternal life, and that my dad’s death wasn’t a punishment He gave to me for something I had done in my life.   

Losing my dad actually gave me the ideal reason to re-examine my faith at the very core . . I had to, it was completely shaken to my core! I had nothing to do but to test my beliefs, asking many questions, learning how to heal, growing closer to God and becoming a greater believer in the process! The worst thing that has ever happened to me, also helped to make me a much stronger person, forcing me to learn to adapt, giving me reason to explore and examine my faith, and allowing me to find God again, in a relationship which has grown more intimate each and every day!    Through loss and the ensuing grief, I turned heartache into the most rewarding way to develop my faith to a whole new level! I learned through it what spiritual maturity is, why it mattered and how to rely on God for everything each day! I took anger at God and turned it to constant love, even realizing that sometimes God’s actions are not comfortable, do not make me happy, and can even hurt! Sometimes, I have to accept what God does, even though it is painful, for it is a part of life and a part of our process of living a faith-based life! I matured into the person who accepts God’s will in my life, knowing that bad things will happen, but He will always see me through those times!   

I can honestly say that it was in the ultimate   trial that I learned how to let my spirit soar! Without the breaking, without all my anger at Him, I wouldn’t know how deeply I love God, how much I need Him and how much love can live on even after someone leaves. I am so much stronger, better and more mature spiritually because I went through something which could have broken me for good! Instead, I let Him lead me through all my pain, heal my heart and help me see that it does pass, and soon, we are able to stand up to even more challenges in our lives as a result! God helps us through the bad times, knowing that we become better people just by going through them! He gives us His grace and strength sufficient for each day, knowing that with faith, we will come to rely on His new daily dose of grace again tomorrow!    I’m not happy to have lost my dad so early in life, nor anyone I love, but I can say that I have   learned how to take something which was devastating and make it into something with a positive impact upon my spirit, after some time, by asking for God’s abundant grace and love! Through Him all things are possible!